Suicide Thoughts and tid bits of my hobby - writing

I think I am going to start with Suicide Ideation. I attended a one hour lecture yesterday for my education hours. As you know I exceed what I require and attend anything new, when I think I need a refresher, or anything interesting. I have attended quite a few about suicide ideation because it is a serious problem and my job is to give people hope to stay alive. I am glad that our government has been listening to us who are opposed to MAID for the mentally ill, at least they are delaying. When it is easier to just assist people to die, than to actually provide the support needed, it makes one wonder. I will be getting the video probably next week and post it. Though it is meant for therapists, I believe it is very beneficial for everyone to be aware of. One of the things I was taught while a grad, was to have a client sign a contract that while in therapy, they will not commit suicide. For the first few years as a therapist it was almost a fear that if I did something wrong, it would cause the death of my client. After years as a therapist, I recognize that I am only human, I can do the best I can with a combination of my education and experiences but I cannot control the fate of others. I can only do my best. I was always told that I worked too hard and needed to detach myself more. I think I have done that, but it may have more to do that no one in my care actually died. However, I also know that can change. I stopped asking clients to sign contracts because part of my learning is from my clients themselves. It was when I was asked if I really thought that my contract would have stopped her/him from committing suicide. The one thing I do not ever want to do is insult a client. I have stopped with the contracts. What I do is try to determine if there is a plan and if the person is in danger. By law, I would have to report it. However, I have to believe it. I have heard from people who had blurted out to unqualified counsellors that perhaps they should kill themselves after being forced to watch war movies for a reaction as an example and have their careers ruined. In Ontario we are all registered and if one is not registered than that person cannot be a therapist. There are fines for that. I have found that many with suicide thoughts do not share those thoughts until they have come to therapy. What I try to do is have them share what they are going through with a parent if they are young or with a spouse etc...If you are reading this and you have suicide thoughts, you are definitely not alone. Tell someone. I also encourage support groups. Unfortunately, I have not found support groups for persons in Toronto specifically designed for the person suffering from suicide thoughts. I was surprised to find one for family, with MAID advertized as well. Obviously I would never recommend such a facility. My objective is to keep people alive and by doing that, it is to re-ignite or find hope, a purpose to live. We are not meant to live in isolation and need others. People live with so much burden, guilt, secrets etc.....This is why I work directly with the client and do not share any information with any organization. It is no one's business even if they are paying for it. This may apply to the government, Veteran Affairs etc.....As a therapist it is my obligation to protect the client and report only when I am obligated to report and that is with the client's knowledge. We still need work there to stop organizations getting information and use payment for therapy as a crutch, rather than an aid for clients. Insurance companies are beginning to get it. Others are not. It is duress when to pay for therapy, you ask the client to sign in agreement that info will be shared to them. That is why I have clients submitting claims themselves. I also know that people will not talk freely if they know that information will go elsewhere. Of course there is more involved than what I am talking about right now. Canada has also recently provided a Suicide Prevention number "988", where you can call or text. Why not take that first step in getting help for yourself? Friday I will be attending another lecture about siblings. This is from the Ontario Association of Family Therapy. Last night I listened to a talk from the Alliance of Independent Writers. One man there has written about 250 books. That is amazing to me and I will definitely be looking him up. So, once again I have lots to catch up with. Take care for now. Next topic will be light - my hobby.

From the Men’s Conference: Increasing Challenges with High Conflict Separations by Dr Rachel Birnbaum, King’s University College, at Western Canada. Notes

This was the first session of the second day. It began with a talk about children deserving a relationship with both parents. High conflict family - How to get evidence going to court more without a lawyer and different for children not having relationships with both? The high conflict family is characterized as litigious, exhibiting poor communication and having poor problem solving skills and in some cases by violence. It is pathology driven. Ontario is blessed with a lot of services. However, in some places, in Ontario, there are no services, in Alberta; out East. Children don’t want parents fighting. They want them to get along. There are challenges in the court system - a blind instrument. In Toronto there has been a request for a unified court for years, so people don’t have to tell their stories over and over again. We were shown a video of a child asking her mom not be high. The child wants everyone to smile. “My heart is empty. If we live in a world that is mean, everyone will be a monster. I’m trying not to be mean.” The child wants everyone to be as nice as possible. In 2015, 10% of child protection cases involve a custody dispute. Research on rates of intentional false allegations in custody and access disputes range from 4% to 23%. Divorce causes stress for all children. Judge wants therapists - less therapists willing to do it (I am one of them) and less doing it with competence. There is conflict within hospitals of parents arguing over surgery or not and of options for their children. Laws being changed to put children first and must be heard. Ref: The Voice of Child is increasing. Birnbaum R and Baln. (2022) High Conflict Parenting Cases and the Role of State - funded agencies in Ontario. Challenges, Perpetual Crises and Lack of Support - pictures. Any error listed would be my own and not of Dr Birbaum.

Have a good weekend people!

I was going to post about one of the talks from the Men's Conference, but decided that I didn't want to leave you with that, so I posted from my Sinai tour and included a photograph. I have many albums of photographs of my travels. I haven't placed them in my books but am doing the same as my papers, scanning them and then in the garbage they go. My Veteran buddies have informed me that I should not do that but give them to our school. The photo I just posted, I don't think our school would want. So, why not post them here for you so you don't have to see the same book cover, over and over again. My veteran buddies have informed me that I am destroying memories. I don't look at it that way. My memories are in the crevices of my brain. However, I have listened and am keeping the most cherished. I will give some up to the school and others with people in them to those people if I know where they are. I do hope you enjoy them. This weekend I am attending another Sisters of Crime event about books. I am also attending a party, hardy, "winter blues event". For those of you who do have a seasonal sadness, go find yourselves one of those lamps which provides artificial sunlight. You should be able to find it at Costco. I woke up feeling like I want to read a book for pleasure, so I am going to find some time for that. Remember to try to keep balance in your life. Work is important but so is family, friends and time for fun. We are not meant to be in isolation. We need others in our lives but make sure they are a positive influence. So, for now, rest up and recharge. "Ominous" will be available shortly and then I shall begin my next book. A teaser will be at the back of "Ominous". What do you think?

For Love Of Country Military Policewoman - Middle East Continues (Photo just off Base shown) www.silvaredigonda.ca/amazon

One of the American military police gave me roses for no special occasion. He had been on assignment where he could buy roses and he did. I kept those roses for my entire tour of duty. I would just love looking at them and as they withered and died I could not bring myself to throw them out. For the first two years after returning home from the Middle East, I would constantly have fresh flowers in my home. To this day, I love flowers and have them inside and outside of my home. Red roses have always been my favourite and those red roses my American colleague gave me were cherished for a very long time. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.

Just letting you know about my writing and postings - Writers corner

For you who are new reading my posts, I have kept copies of all my work. For a bit of time, I have posted on this blog and then used the paper as scrap to write notes etc...Sometimes, like I just did now, I will copy and paste some old work. Don't ask me why. Perhaps it is just a way of not letting me think that it was a waste. We all learn as we go through life. I do believe I get better as I grow older. If not, I am sure someone will let me know. I also write notes of seminars and Conferences I go to. This year I want to spend more time on my writing for fun while still working in my practice. My latest book "Ominous" is very exciting for me. I do hope you will like it. If you belong to a readers club, have a bookstore, or know of a fair in the Toronto area where I can go and sell my books, please let me know. I love interacting with other authors and readers. Often, when I am at a Book Fair, I have aspiring writers coming to me for advice. I always make time for them. If you want to write, then write. If you want to sing, then sing. If you want to paint, paint. Please do not let people discourage you from your dreams, hope, passions.......(as long as it is legal). Be who you want to be. Surround yourself with positive people. Re-examine who is in your life. Do they make you happy? Have a good week. Being able to sing, write, paint etc.....is a gift. Cherish it and nurture it........What do you think? Always feel free to ask a question or leave a note.

To Love (old English essay for you if you are interested) Reading this now, I think I did a horrible job. Hey, that's life. I believe these are two Canadian Books.

TO LOVE By: Silva Redigonda To Love Love between a man and a woman is powerful, so powerful, that the passion found in that first love influences future relationships. This essay will demonstrate how the difference of characters between Quoyle in The Shipping News and Will in Medicine River influence Quoyle's relationship with Wavey, and Will's relationship with Louise, through stages which progresses to fulfillment for Quoyle and Wavey but not for Will and Louise. To Be The Shipping News depicts Quoyle as a man doomed from the beginning of his life as indicated in the beginning of the text, "raised in a shuffle of dreary upstate towns…he survived childhood…at the state university…he camouflaged torment with smiles and silence. Stumbled through his twenties and into his thirties…counting on nothing." (Proulx, p1) Proulx uses repetition of the word "failure" to re-inforce Quoyle's father's image of his son; paving a road to Quoyle's destiny to failure and insecurities, "failure to dog-paddle…failure to speak clearly; failure to sit up straight; failure to get up…failure in attitude; failure in …everything…All stemmed from…a failure of normal appearance." (Proulx p 2) Quoyle also has an abusive relationship with his brother Dick, who calls him derogatory names such as "Ugly Pig,…stupid"(Proulx, p2) etc…Quoyle seems like a nice guy just wanting to be liked and to enjoy the company of others, "For Quoyle was a failure at loneliness, yearned to be gregarious, to know his company was a pleasure to others."(Proulx, p 4) King depicts Will as a Canadian Native who loses his right of Indian status due to his mother marrying a white man and therefore is deprived not only of a father who leaves him at a young age and later dies, but of his Native culture (King, pg7, 8 &9). The difference between Will and Quoyle is that Will has a positive relationship with his brother and mother. Despite being robbed of his native rights, Will has the love and support from his family and community. His mother supports him in his youth, "Will's the athlete in the family…James is the artist"(King, p 13). Though poor, Will's mother manages to buy him good shoes when he tells her that his teacher told him that he played basketball well."(King, p 13) Though Will played tricks on his brother, James seemed complacent in return. "I had expected James to be angry about his drawings, but all he talked about was the eagle and how he was going to do the whale next." This establishes a healthy relationship between him and his brother with the usual pranks. Will seems to have adopted his mother's philosophy in life, "My mother had a favourite expression for all those times in life when things didn't make sense or couldn't be explained.""That's the way things are,""she'd say. It was more of a way of managing the bad times. …My mother would just shrug and get on with what she was doing."(King, p252) This philosophy explains Will's accepting nature, throughout the text excluding his own obsession with the father he never was allowed to know. At the age of twenty five he begins to invent his father, "My father is a senior engineer with Petro-Canada…My father is a pilot, doctor…lawyer…."(King, p78, 79,80,) and on it continues. Will creates the possibilities of who his father could have been. Quoyle who did have a father knew how cruel one could be. The characters of both men seem to be predicted by the way they were treated and their opportunities growing up. Will rather complacent and accepting, longing for the father he never really knew and Quoyle suffering a complex after being put down for most of his young life. New Love Quoyle and Wavey as well as Will and Louise progress through different stages in their relationships. Both Wavey and Louise have children, yet Louise's child is very important to Will and a major focus in his life while Wavey's child is rarely mentioned. This is no surprise since Will understands the need to have a father, while Quoyle would not have such a focus. The relationship between Quoyle and Wavey develops slowly and they eventually marry. Will too progresses through stages that seem more sudden and consistent but ultimately leaves the reader feeling that the relationship needs to continue towards development into another stage. These stages continue to reflect Quoyle and Will's characters and how they progress through a new love after having suffered a broken heart from their first loves. Quoyle notices Wavey, "Saw her. The tall woman in the green slicker…A calm, almost handsome face, ruddy hair in braids…Looked right at him. They waved simultaneously and Quoyle guessed she must have legs like a marathon runner."(Proulx, p 86) Quoyle begins to think of her, " …the tall woman, Wavey, came to mind. He looked…to see if she was walking…He pulled up, glad she was alone, that he was too." (Proulx, p 128) The initial stage has begun. King in Medicine River begins the novel with Will already knowing Louise, "I took my tax forms to Louise too." (King, 25) It is Harlen, who reveals to him that Louise has an interest in him, "You know, after the game, Louise Heavyman came over and asked where you were. Good-looking woman, Louise." (King, p 21) Will's response is simply, "Sure." (King, p 21) This ritual of Harlen talking about Louise, and Will not seemingly interested continues, "The next time I see Louise…."states Harlen …"Hmmmmmmm." replies Will ( King, p 28). Will's response to Louise being pregnant and unwed and Harlen's suggestion of taking her out is, "I don't want to get married." (King, p 31) After Harlen's consistent nagging, Will does go to see Louise to take her out to lunch, "I felt like a real ass walking into Louise's office the next day. I probably wouldn't have gone, but Harlen knew me too well. He picked me up and drove me over."(King, p 32). Will seems to lack motivation to a point where it appears he has no interest in Louise initially, while Quoyle has an immediate interest with Wavey and has never lacked motivation to be accepted. When Quoyle sees Wavey he studies her at a glance, "Quoyle glanced, saw her pale mouth, neck, eyes…But that sense of harmony with something, what, the time or place. He didn't know but felt it. She turned her head, caught him looking. Eyes flicked away again. But both were pleased." (Proulx, 129). There seems to be a mutual attraction igniting. Quoyle realizes that he is developing an infatuation for Wavey. "Watched her run up the school steps and in through the door. What was wrong with him?" (Proulx, p 129) Will too demonstrates an interest in Louise, displayed when he initiates his own contact. Will calls Louise after the first awkward visit to lunch which never materialized, '"What the hell.""Louise,""I said, ""it's Will. About the lunch date…""…."I was sweating when I got off the phone, and my heart was racing. And I didn't call Harlen." Will does want to take Louise out to lunch. It appears both men have come to the realization that they have a love interest. Quoyle is excited about driving Wavey to the library when she asks for a ride to her work "Friday and Tuesday afternoons…Didn't want to get excited. For God's sake, giving someone a ride to the Library. But he was." (Proulx, p 146) He readily makes himself available. Quoyle's and Wavey's relationship is about to enter another stage, a sexual one, which is stopped by Wavey. "He held out his arms. No mistaking what he meant. Transfixed, she hardly breathed. One flicker of movement and he'd be all over her…And afterwards some silent agreement, some sore complicity, betrayal."(Proulx, p 193 & 194) Louise maintains a similar distance with Will. "We never got around to being lovers. There didn't seem to be the time for that. We were friends. Louise was good to be with, but there was a distance and Louise kept it."(King, p 36) It is Will whom Louise calls when she realizes she has to give birth and needs to go to the hospital. He wants to wait with her but Louise discourages it, ""I got nothing better to do. Don't mind waiting… ""… ""No sense, Will…"(King, p 36) Both Wavey and Quoyle are haunted by their first relationships. Wavey begins to talk about Herold, her first husband when she and Quoyle are about to have sex. "Do you know how he died?" My husband? Herold Prowse? I'll tell you."(Proulx, p 194) And Quoyle thinks of Petal, his first wife," And what of Petal's essence riding under his skin like an injected vaccine against the plague of love? What was the point of touching Wavey's dry hand?" (Proulx, p 195) Their relationship is very slowly moving. Both have private demons with relationships. The only way is to move cautiously, slowly, for the both of them. "Their silence comfortable. Something unfolding. But what? Not love, which wrenched and wounded. Not love, which came only once."(Proulx p 195) Will, on the other hand is coming to terms with him not having a father. He immediately takes on the role of father to Louise's baby, longing for the family he never had. ""Most men like to be there when their wives deliver. Is this your first?"" ""Ah…yes."" he replies (King, p 38). Relishing in the feeling of being a father and husband he thinks, "I began thinking about Louise, and for the first time since I had come back to Medicine River, I felt good. Clean and strong. Maybe we could give it a try with the baby and all." (King, p 38) When Will holds the baby for the first time at the hospital he is enchanted, "That little girl kept looking at me, and I just sat in the rocking-chair in the nursery. I would have sat there longer, but the nurse came in to tell me that my wife was awake and wanted to see the baby."(King, p 40) Will is developing a bond with Louise's child. When Will is watching the baby in the nursery, a nurse asks him which one is his. He claims the baby as his own,""That one,"" I said." (King, p 42) Will's artistic side enables him to create his father and to create a family, neither which exist for him. It is Louise who stops the flow of the relationship between herself and Will and places restrictions. ""As soon as we get settled, I'll make dinner. Maybe we can go to a show, too."" Sure"" responds Will. (King, 42) Will never challenges. He seems to always accept things as they are. The relationship becomes controlled by Louise, "Louise and I hadn't gone out much since South Wing was born, but I would generally go over for dinner about once a week…"(King, p 136) Harlen attempts to have the relationship progress, "…everybody can see how much you love South Wing. Bertha figures you're pretty fond of Louise, too.""(King, p 136) Will has memories of another love, Susan, "…we talked about everything. We talked in bed, especially and always before we made love, sometimes for hours…(King, p 112 & 113) But in that relationship where there was so much talk, so much communication, it was only by accident that Will learned Susan was married. It was when he called her at home, "You want to talk to Daddy? I saw it too late…"(King, p 113). It is after this first painful love, that Will treads slowly, talking less; letting Louise take the initiative. Quoyle's relationship also takes a dip as he ponders," Their silence comfortable. Something unfolding. But what? Not love, which came only once." (Proulx, p 233) Though there are doubts as Quoyle too is haunted by his past love, he is also changing. He is becoming more assertive as a person, ""You have been thinking of all the angles,"" said the aunt. Dryly. She was used to being the one who figured things out." (Proulx, p 227) So assertive is Quoyle becoming that his suggests his aunt moves out on her own. "There's not room for all four of us…" (Proulx, p 227) Quoyle continues to examine his relationship with Wavey, "…They could go to dinner. A movie….It will be fun. The word sounded stupid in his mouth. When had he ever had "fun" …Wavey, chapped face already set in the lines of middle age, an encroaching dryness about her …Both of them the kind who stood with forced smiles watching other people dance, spin…Having fun." (Proulx, p 293) "When Quoyle gets drunk with his friends he mourns his wife. ""My wife,"" bawled Quoyle, ""is dead.""(Proulx, p 255) Quoyle has difficulty separating his beautiful young wife from this middle aged woman. Louise and Will take a step into acknowledging that they do have a relationship. Again it is Louise who brings it forth. "Louise laughed and leaned over the table and kissed me…Louise didn't pull away. She stayed there, leaning on the table, close to me. And she kissed me again…""You ever have a girlfriend before me?"" and Will a man of few words when it comes to this relationship replies,""sure."" (King, p 142) Will lets Louise control the relationship. He is accepting in nature. Quoyle seems torn. When Quoyle is promoted his assertiveness comes across as "gruff" and "hard boiled" because that is how he thinks he should act, "Write them up with a little more detail than you put into the S.A. stories." (Proulx, p 288) Quoyle now confident , suggests fresh ideas. He takes the initiative, "Those ads, Jack. I'd like to drop the fake ads. We need the news space…" (Proulx, p 292) Quoyle becomes more confident with his appearance as well, "He looked at his naked self,…Saw he was immense…Full shoulders and powerful arms…It was harder to count his errors now… (Proulx, 326) Quoyle and Wavey's final stage is not complete until they both discuss and come to terms with their previous loves. Both acknowledge that their relationships had been destructive. ""Harold,"" said Wavey, ""was a womanizer. He treated me body like a trough….I felt he was casting vomit in me when he come to his climax. And I never told that but to you.""…""I know something now I didn't know a year ago, ""said Quoyle. ""Petal wasn't any good. And I think maybe that is why I loved her.""….[Wavey states] It's like you feel that's all you deserve." (Proulx, p 308) This sharing of hurt, of realizing that their previous relationships was a reflection of their lack of self worth opens the door to a new beginning, a new stage. When Quoyle contemplates a life with him and Wavey married he wonders, "would Petal be in the bed with them? Or Herold Prowse? He imagined the demon lovers coupling, biting and growling, while he and Wavey crouched against the footboard with their eyes squeezed shut, fingers in their ears." (Proulx p 314) Will's first girlfriend left without even telling him, "On the way home the next day, I bought a paper and another bottle of wine…But Susan wasn't there. She had come by sometime in the afternoon, collected her things, and left. (King, p 188) Will has become careful as a result in his relationship with Susan. Louise shares her opinions, reflecting her own hurts, "marriage was always more of a burden on women than on men, that women always had to take on extra weight, while men just fell into marriage as if they were falling into bed. I [Will]tried to stay away from talk like that." (King, p 188) Will would rather accept things as they are then become deep and analytical since that is the way he was raised. When Will does raise his opinion, he and Louise have their first argument, "Louise and I didn't exactly have a fight. It was more a discussion about Harlen and Bertha, though in the end, the discussion didn't have much to do with them at all." (King, p 185). Even the community observes the slow pace of Will and Louise's relationship. Harlen again offers his suggestions, ""Bertha says you should give Louise an ultimatum."(King, p 187). Louise seeks Will's opinion when she buys a house, "I'm thinking of buying a house, Will, and I wanted to talk to you about it, first." (King, p 218) Quoyle and Wavey also have discussions and Wavey's opinion is valued and considered regarding Bunny going to Jack's funeral. Though Quoyle is contrary to the idea, Wavey succeeds to persuade him, " …if you look at the departed you'll never be troubled by the memory…And so Quoyle agreed." (Proulx, p 332) Louise stops the relationship from growing. ""He's not Mr. Heavyman,""said Louise. He's a good friend."" (King, p223) The mixed messages continue as she buys a house that has a "darkroom." (King, p225) When Will moves Louise and her daughter in, they make love and it is Louise who offers the possibility of their relationship to grow, "You ever think of us living together?" (King, p 228) Will is very laid back and instead of taking the opportunity he tells her that, "You've got me." (King, p 228) He finds it very difficult to communicate with Louise and yet he too wants to live with Louise, "thought of ways to bring up the subject of living together."(King p 231) But the moment has passed, "The darkroom was gone." (King, p 233) Their relationship takes another turning point when Louise announces that she will be spending Christmas with Harold and his family, ""Does this mean we can't live together?"" I [Will] laughed when I said it."(King, p 258) He can't seem to take a stand with Louise. Louise calls Will Christmas morning to tell him, ""he really wants to marry me."" ""And …?" replies Will "I don't want to get married." (King, p 259) Will again has permitted her to make her own decision without telling her how he feels about her. Their relationship cannot grow to completion. With time Quoyle and Wavey have become close. Quoyle is free, from Petal and the sadness of his past. He has become a new person. "Quoyle experienced moments in all colors, uttered brilliancies, paid attention to the rich sound of waves counting stones, he laughed and wept, noticed sunsets, heard music in rain, said I do." (Proulx, p 336) To Live Proulx has managed to depict how a man can heal himself from a tormented young life and marriage. He can gain confidence and find a mature love. Quoyle allowed himself to recover from Pedal's abuse, and realize that it wasn't love that Pedal had for him. Once Quoyle realizes that the relationship is destructive, he is able to move on with Wavey whom had her own demons to deal with and to recover from. Will's character on the other hand is sweet and complacent. He follows his mother's philosophy that things are beyond our control, which he experienced with his first relationship. He does not allow himself the freedom to communicate with Louise exactly what he wants. It is because of this that he and Louise cannot find fulfillment. There is a hole, something missing and regardless, neither can tell the other exactly how they feel and really want. There are hints and suggestions but ultimately the relationship to fulfillment cannot be accomplished because, "It's the way things are."(King, p 257) Bibliography King, Thomas. Medicine River. Toronto: Penguin, 1995. Proulx, Annie. The Shipping News. New York: Scribner, 2003.

For Love of Country - Military Policewoman - Middle East continues For your own signed copy - www.silvaredigonda.ca

I went to Tel Aviv again with one of the Dutch Military policemen. We often worked weekend details. We went to the Israeli police station and one of the policewomen was looking at my uniform with intense interest. She thought I was modeling their new uniform. We entered a room full of policewomen. They were looking at my partner with an intense interest. He was being treated like a piece of meat, and I had to admit it was nice having roles reversed. One of the policewomen told him that she had mirrors over her bed. He did not know how to react and stuck to me like glue. I thought that all men needed to experience this at least once in their careers. Though I found it all quite amusing, I kept an eye on him. The next morning my partner and I went for breakfast. He kept turning around to look at a prostitute. With all the attention from the policewomen the day before, his ego was now flourishing. He kept telling me how the prostitute behind him was looking at him because she liked him. The prostitute finally glared at him, and asked, “What the fuck are you looking at!” I could not help but burst out laughing. My partner turned beet red and never said another word. We finished our breakfast while I casually talked about work and our travels. Because many of the Dutch men had blond hair and blue eyes, they were eye candy to the Middle Eastern women. Whoever I was working with would normally tell the ladies that he and I were married. I always found that amusing, but played along. I understood how demeaning having unwanted attention could be. I was beginning to realize and appreciate that there were not too many differences between men and women. It depended on opportunity and power. The more time I spent away from my home in Canada, the more I appreciated it. We didn’t have wars in our country and it was relatively peaceful. We didn’t need to worry about our clubs being blown up and being searched for explosives. We didn’t have to fear our neighbour blowing us up. Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.” www.silvaredigonda.ca

UTM WEBINAR: Canada's Homelessness Crisis ( I attended this and I have just received the video)

Have to give priorty to final work before it goes to the publisher - Ominous is almost ready. I am so excited

Every time I have a free moment, I think I am good getting back to normal. However, my normal isn't quite normal. I am going to give my book, one more final read to ensure there are no errors. When you go buy a book, you usually do find some error or other, do you not? Well, since this is my favourite book, I want to ensure it is perfect for you. I also have Amazon updating something or other which has to wait. After this is done, I am all set to provide you with your notes. Please be patient with me. Until then, I shall cut and paste the Middle East section for you again, once a week. I shall do this later in the week, I promise.

Writer's Corner

Last night I attended a webinar with my fellow sisters (and men) held by Misty Evans who has written 90 books and won many awards. I had thought I was attending the Toronto Sisters and Crime, however, it was the USA and I believe I was the only Canadian. I can be wrong. I am beginning to think I attend more events from the States, than my own. Oh well, what can I say? They are nice to me. Canadians are good to me too, of course. Writers are a very welcoming world. I have been invited to attend a Black Authors event where I can showcase one of my books, but I am going to miss that because I don’t want to take away from any Black Author. I think they have somehow adopted me. Now, let’s get back to Misty. I found her delightful. Misty has turned Indy, because she wants to have control of her books. She states that you need an editor and proof readers. She states that as writers we need to keep evolving and be flexible (yup, I do that). She indicated that you need to reach out and get help when you need it. Then she talked about goals. Here goes: Formula is Productivity = Energy + (GMC) Goals, Motivation and Conflict. Misty explained that High Energy = High Productivity (take care of ourselves). She writes every morning and does administration in the afternoon (I am best in the mornings too, after copious coffees). Tuesday is her low energy day so she does no editing. She told us that subscribers love recipes, cats and puzzles. No kidding? Well I have a cat and you know I had people come up to me at Fairs because I am holding Holy Terror on my poster which is a tad dated but still works so I continue to use it. No one has told me that my hair has changed colour and that I have aged because they love looking at Holy Terror. One reader actually told me she bought my book because I can’t be all bad if I have a cat or words to that effect. Well Misty takes weekends off. Well, regarding puzzles, I don’t think I am going to add that to my to do list. I like filling them out with a cheat list, but don’t think I want to try to think up a puzzle. Recipes - well, I am not much of a cook. I am a vegetarian and if I ever get to go to Niagara Falls to live (which may be sooner than later because Mr Attitude is in his 21st year now) I think learning how to make veggie food options myself would be healthier and so I am looking for the opportunity to take a cooking course over there. I am assuming I shall have more time for another hobby and I think it would be a good way to meet new people over yonder. That would be something to write about. Misty states to use your high energy to be more productive. Ok, I do not have a subscriber’s list. I did have a few ask me about that so you know what, I will have one next time round. Let me take a note right now. If any of you are interested, send me an email with your name. What I may do is just continue Writer’s corner with them who do not want to read my other stuff, like you do. Misty continues that Friday is a left over, with the afternoon off. I normally take Fridays off. I like Monday afternoons off. I like weekends off. I apparently need to learn how to pitch. Misty gets royalties. I don’t have royalties. She suggested trying a new genre. For you who have read my books (thank you), you will notice that each of my books have a different genre, or almost. Hey Guy Buy Me, I wrote for men, but women buy it too. This is a book that gets me into trouble when men come and talk to me about the book and their wives are not impressed. This happens. Not only that, but the women are pissed at me. However, I also get women who know a man, who knows a man and viola they buy my little book too. Some buy more than one, and that is my first book. Now my second and third, one is my bio and the other is the Internet Murders. Now what will be coming out soon is “Ominous” and this is my favourite so far. The words just sang to me. It is spooky, and there is romance, you may see a demon or two and hey of course an angel. My beautiful Holy Terror will be in it of course. As you know my baby girl died last year and my heart is still broken. However, I have her brother who keeps me grounded. He is funny. This being his 21 st year, he has slowed down, sleeps more and hates it when I am on the computer. Last week he wasn’t feeling good. I realized that I accidentally gave him treats that had beef. Beef is hard to digest for older cats so I never give beef to any of my pets. Now, once he felt better he started running around like crazy forgetting he is old. Then the poor little guy stopped, and started heaving. Of course I picked him up and held him. He is completely back to normal. Ok, Misty continues with we should dream really big. Someone else told me that. He is a painter of beautiful art. His name is Michael Pape. You can look him up at www.michaelpape.com. This man’s art is big, literally. I bought a calender off him on line and January has art from Robert Bateman, an artist I have appreciated for years. Misty continued by telling us to listen to people who have been successful. Ok. I am listening. Actually, I would love to win the lottery. Misty continues with have achievable goals. Ok, that puts a damper on the lottery. Misty is a writing coach. So, if you guys need help she is probably available. Misty talks about finding your path. Pick a word - (for me it is passion). She recommends growth, rather than being busy. She continues with taking courses you need, learning the craft, less is more. Determine your top three priorities and write them down. Have a plan for your writing. How do I do it? I don’t plan. I just write and write and it comes to me. The words kind of take ownership of me. I don’t actually get a brain freeze or what they call writer’s block, but then I have no structure either. I always have something to say as I am sure you have noticed. She said that we have a tendency to let our writing to the bottom of the pile. Take time for rest and recovery so you do not burn out. Take time away from social media and all the bad stuff out there. It hurts our Muse. If you only put garbage into your brain, it is hard not to put garbage out. I like that quote which she quoted from someone. She suggests that you do anything that feeds your creativity. Her readers love it. My readers keep telling me to include psychotherapy in my writing. Ok, the next book I write is about some of that - ok? I have been listening. Why not? It should be fun. Ok, now she gets in the gritty stuff of coaching and it is also what I normally recommend as a basic. First she states that prayer is asking for things and meditation is for answers. Now, I would say it a tad differently. Prayer can be about asking, but it can also be about thanking and it can also be a meditation as you just allow yourself to be cradled by God. Misty suggests quieting your mind and listening to your Muse. Bottom line is will it make your beat go faster. She states she gets invited to a lot of things (yup). What she asks herself is will it make her writing better, is it fun, quality over quantity. If it doesn’t help my writing, it isn’t. Misty asks us who is our biggest critic and she states it is ourselves. She asks why we became writers? One person responded that it is part of who she is. I agree, it is part of who I am. Since I was in elementary school I would read out my writings to my mother in the kitchen while she was cooking. I miss her cooking. She was my biggest fan, always encouraging me to write more. Father Bill German a Jesuit priest loved my books as well and was another version of my mom. Misty continues that we need to be adaptable and flexible (yup, I am that). Then she makes an impact statement. "Our world Need Your Stories." She continues to tell us to practice mindfulness and stress free techniques. Get adequate sleep, leisure (I recommend that always as well) and also to surround yourselves with positive influences. Yup I recommend that as well and practice it. She said that we were doing that by sharing with other writers. Focus on your strengths. Pamper your muse. The power of commitment - small smart choices - consistency over time. It is like saving money and over time you end up with a pot (of money). One thing she said which may apply to you if you are writing not to stop at the end of a chapter, but stop mid page. This is so you don’t return to a blank page. She said that writing has to be a priority. She indicated that some structure can help creativity. She also has a wonderful husband who is very supportive. Now, that can be a fleeting thought. She did provide a pdf of goals but I didn’t ask permission to share it so I just shared my notes. I really enjoyed the time spent with them all last night. Here are some links I haven’t looked up yet, but will. www.mistevansbooks.com and writing.nyxhalli.well.com and writing - raven.com. Have a good weekend everyone.

Ending the Injustice of Generational Poverty by Dr Gloria Wilder, MD notes......

These notes are from two CAMFT conferences ago. I have mentioned it to you before but had misplaced my notes. Guess what? I found them and so forgive me if I am repeating myself. The speaker is Dr Gloria Wilder, MD. She is a Pediatrician. This was the last session if I recall after an exhausting three days. Perhaps that is why I found this so sad. Dr Wilder was raised by a single mother on welfare. It is now called something else (I believe the same is here in Canada). She is from Brooklyn, USA (been there). What you have there is Brownstone which is beautiful. She was from the other side. Her father was an alcoholic who would beat her mother almost every night. There was little food in the house with little or no food. While Dr Wilder was saying all this, I had an urge to hug her. Her mother taught her early to not tell anyone. At that time, born in 1964, it was illegal in the US to be poor. Her mother raised the three of them by getting three jobs. She worked in a hospital, taxi cab, and restaurant, while obtaining social assistance. Poverty was a big secret. “A heavy blanket that smothered you.” We are now fast forwarding 50 years. This poverty generational has become the norm. 11.6% of the population live in poverty. If you are a family making 27,740, you are not considered to be in poverty. In most of the States, 28,000 and 50,000 are near poverty in reality. You cannot fairly compete for housing or food. Turkeys in some places are $40.00. Dr Wilder continued to say that we (Americans) cling to be a democratic society. Families in the lower middle class are actually in poverty. Getting back to mom. A councillor hires her mom to work the night shift. She is an Operator and Switchboard, two different jobs and her mother brings her children and has them take her shifts. If you called during the night, you would get a six year old child. Three cab drivers quickly figured three children were taking turns. The cab drivers didn’t report them, but brought them food during the night, and drove them to school in the morning. The fact that the cab drivers allowed their mom to keep her job (for 30 years) and in that time they became their fathers, she is a physician today (Wow. You can see why I ended up in tears, hearing her story). Dr Wilder said there are five keys to social justice. It either puts you on a pathway to move forward or difficulty so far back. 1. Access to Health Care: During COVID, more than a million died. Moment of greater good, suddenly everyone experiences vulnerability, education, economic justice; environmental justice. Health Care - if a hospital only has 250 beds, your grandmother may be 251 and not get a bed. Everyone has a right to health care that prevents you from dying. In the USA, we still allow 30 million people to be uninsured. Nine million are children. 50% are male, black or Hispanic. The largest group now becoming improvised are over 65. 2. Education: " All of us had an education. Every day, 26 seconds, a student is dropping out of school. Every day 7000 students drop out and this was before COVID as well. 7000 children a day drop out." 3. Key - Economic Justice: You hear about minimum wage going up in cities. 21 of the States still has $7.07 considered a good job. That is the minimum and in other States, there is no minimum (Alabama, Louisiana, Tennessee and Carolina {South?} and one other. It is critical that people get a fair wage. The U.S. incarcerates more than 5x10 times higher than International allies. 5.5 million people. 57 Billion dollars a year is spent keeping people locked up, but won’t spend money to get people out of poverty. Environmental Justice - Climate change is dragging some of us into the Ocean. Looking at it as political, rather than moral. Allowing children to die of Pediatric Asthma because of where they live. Community violence where children grow up that gun shots are all around them. Dr Wilder has resuscitated children in the street. She had a three year old come to see her. She had been shot playing. Her mom thought she had fell playing. Dr Wilder asks, “Have we gone to far?” The first time they went for family assistance, when she was a child, she saw a white social worker (Dr Wilder is a Black woman). She was asked if her mom feeds her? Does she have a television? During that time it was illegal to have electronics and get assistance. Her mother worked to become clerk of the District Attorney for Manhattan. Dr Wilder said that they knew their mother loved them. Talked about greedy landlords with powerful lawyers and tenants fighting alone. Dr Wilder said, “For me and everyone who wants to join - not to use charity without Justice. If we want to be the Nation we claim to be….” We need to be honest and for you brilliant people, (who me? nah) who help people - teach people not to be ashamed of their stories or poverty. Both Dr Wilder’s siblings have a Masters degree. They grew up not having enough food. On Saturdays their mom would get them all up and they would go all over to find coins. Once she had 96 cents. They would go to “Duke’s” and get baloney and bread. Duke was the only Black store in the neighbourhood. It seemed that all the neighbourhood kids came into the store to get candy when she went. Dr Wilder had a bag of pennies and was thinking that all the children would know she was poor. Duke tells her to get the bread, baloney, milk, cheese, ice-cream etc….As she is leaving the store, Duke tells her to say hi to her mom, and says don’t give the scholarship to Harvard University. MD at Georgetown University. For a quarter, Duke showed her that they mattered. She went back years later and Duke told her that she did good. “I gave her a hand. That is why God gave me two” She invites us to do the same thing. “Let America be America again. I am the Negro.” Dr Wilder states that her sister has Schizophrenia as well as a grandmother. She continues that the first time she gave a speech at a hospital where their kitchen staff and janitorial staff were getting basic pay below standard living with no health coverage. After her talk, the staff demonstrated. Dr Wilder informed us that she could still feel the heat when she knelt to help a young woman who had been shot twice and she was trying to save. She stated that it depends on all of us to help, to be a healer. She reports that education is the one that really impacts all the other four. By the end of this session my tears were flowing. Dr Wilder made such an impact on me. If there are any errors here, they are mine and mine alone. In Toronto right now, one of every ten people need to go to a food bank to get food to eat. This was unheard of when I was growing up. Today, our taxes are going up 9%. I did not vote for this Mayor who would not cap taxes. I do not know how she got elected based on that alone. We had a Refugee who came to Canada to die on the Streets on a cold night because he had no shelter. A few weeks ago, I was at a grocery store and a woman tried to communicate with me while I was in line. She was trying to determine the price of oil which was on sale. I told her the price and let her in front of my line, because that was all she was buying. She took out her change from a small purse and realized that she did not have enough money to pay for the item. I realized it was probably because of the taxes. I paid for her item. Last week the news announced that CEO pay hit a record high in 2022. Canadian top 100 CEO’s were payed 14.9 million each. That is $7100. an hour, about 60,000 a day, which is 246 times more than the average Canadian. One of those CEO's works at a major food chain, where prices keep increasing. The average person gets a 3% - 4.4 pay hike. What can I say? Houston we’re in trouble. Next week I shall be attending a lecture on Canada’s Homelessness Crises, held by University of Toronto. It will be held in the evening so I will do my best not to miss it. Of course I shall provide you with anything I learn. I think I know why we have this problem but I will wait to see what is reported.

Ordering Flowers? Be careful. I will share what happened to me with Blossom Flowerdelivery so it doesn't happen to you

Well I am still in the Christmas Spirit, even though tomorrow I will be taking down my Christmas tree and placing everything away for another year. I love Christmas, the lights, nativity, Christmas Mass, outdoor lights, the entire Christmas feel. It is a time when I try to catch up with everyone and always get a pleasant greeting from those I haven't seen awhile and don't forget the Christmas cards. Yup, tomorrow, I have to say my bye bye and the eighth, well all goes back to normal. Students go back to school, everything is open once again and well we carry on. Now, I am going to share with you an experience I never thought I would have. I ordered flowers and chocolate for a family member on the same day as her birthday because of course, I forgot the date. My mom used to remind me of all family members birthdays etc....and with her gone, well, what can I say? Mom, I miss you so much. So I found out early morning on the 30th, the day of getting her a gift. I typed out where she lived and www.blossomflowerdelivery.com popped up and I ordered her flowers and chocolate (medium sized). I don't normally tip for flowers but gave them the minimum of 5.00. I usually am a good tipper but not for these type of services. Actually, I won't tip at all in future for flowers to be delivered. In all the cost was $98.22. Today I opened up my credit card bill and was actually charged $133.57. You see they charged me in American dollars. I have to admit, I never expected such incompetence from an American Company. So here goes. Oh by the way they also have a complaint with the Better Business Bureau for failing to deliver and it wasn't me. So here goes: I ordered the flowers at about 0900, on the 30th. I was pleased that they were going to deliver on the same day. Whew! My error in memory loss corrected. At 3pm, I come home from gavalanting around town and I get an email that they won't be able to deliver the flowers. They ran out? They want to ensure it is fresh so when they get fresh, it will be delivered. I am of course furious. You see I had sent a previous email, letting them know that the link which is provided to let me know that the flowers are being prepared, delivered etc....wasn't working. But, I was informed that they were being prepared. Why lie? Now, behold. If when I ordered at 0900 I would have been told that delivery wasn't possible, I of course would not have ordered from them. But, they know that of course and therefore lied to me. So, I finally do a bit of research and phone the number where these flowers originate from and I am happy that it is in California and not from Timbucktoo. I feel that now I will get results. After all they are customer service. I tell them what I think of their lack of service and the complaint I saw (now I should have looked them up before ordering but I did think that it was local - colpa mia). I want to be compensated. I want to get free flowers for myself. No they cannot do that because it would cost them money. What they will do is give me $5.00 in addition to my tip which I wanted back. They were also going to give me a voucher of sorts for $20.00 off in my next order. I told them there will never be another order. When my family member gets the flowers, she doesn't realize they come from me. You see they forgot to put in a card, which I asked them to do and to say Happy Birthday and it is from me. So, I send the "local" person an email indicating that they never added a card. Now I wasn't going to complain, but it wouldn't stop and today learning I was being charged in American dollars, I called my family member. She tells me that the flowers are beautiful and very fresh because they still look good. The chocolate is more than sufficient because she is still eating them, but no, what she received is not worth $133.57. She also provides me with a name of a real local flower shop near her. So this was my experience, that I share with you, so it doesn't happen to you. I am very solution focused. I also like to correct a situation and move on. Even though I initially told Customer Service I was going to complain on my social media, I decided not to and informed such to the "local" when she didn't add a card. I told her, that in the spirit of the holidays I wouldn't. But opening my bill and finding that I paid so much more, well that topped it all. Of course I called California again (oh by the way, if you call, you have to pay for long distance yourself). I tell them what I think of being overcharged and well they let me know that it is somewhere on their website. So, I am informed I will be provided with my tip of 5. back and another 5. for my troubles I suppose. This will never happen to me again I hope. Now, that I have informed you, I hope it doesn't happen to you. Time to move on and enjoy the rest of my day. Now breathe!

Welcome to 2024 - Wow!

I wish you have a wonderful New Year. This is a good time to review your options and wants. 2023 was a difficult year for the world, but there is always hope which history has reported throughout the eras. I don't do New Year Resolutions, but I continue to eat healthier, go to the gym and re-examine my balances. My priority is family and Mr Attitude. Next is who I socialize with. Then there is my determination to get my new book "Ominous" out there when it is published. I want to make books a priority equal to my practice and that should be a challenge. I also want to thank you for reading my blogs. In todays world it can be daunting knowing who to trust. I wanted to write to you today about one of the sessions, I attended about Ending the Injustice of Generational Poverty, but I wanted you to ease into such topics, so today I thought I would just welcome you back to me, and thank you and wish you a good year. I will provide you with the aforementioned notes next. What do you think?