For Love of Country - Military Policewoman www.silvaredigonda.ca

Bill did not seem to tire from reading the messages. I was sure that people would soon become bored. I had attended so many functions throughout the years. "It does not seem that it has been almost twenty years ago that I met you. Upon receiving your retirement message, it gave me a reminder that we are growing older and eventually we all will have to make the inevitable decisions. While I sit and ponder what I should say, I reflect back on QL3 and QL5 and think of the good laughs and times we had during those days starting out, and of the different characters and personalities of the course instructors. There are some fond memories. I will not make an attempt at describing any embarrassing anecdotes and will just say that I personally congratulate you on your retirement and wish you prosperity, health and happiness for the future. LFA AHQ Halifax. Bill paused from his reading to look at me, “Sebastian?” he queried. “I nodded as memories stirred. Twenty years. My mother smiled. CHAPTER ONE Saying Goodbye Summer 1974 – twenty years earlier My mother smiled as she sat across from me at the Diner. The Diner had existed throughout my childhood and teenage years. It wasn’t my favourite restaurant, but it had endured, while everything around it changed. The Diner had a fifties look, not because of renovations but simply due to the passage of time. The only change to the miniature juke box at each table was the cost to play it. Even the songs were the same as years ago. The Diner was small, served beer to the same customers, and never became the teenage hangout that in appearance it had promised to become.” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “For love of country : military policewoman.

Our Physicians are stressed out - No kidding!

The news today revealed a Canadian Medical Association Survey conducted last fall. It consisted of more than 4100 doctors and medical students (I think it would have been better to separate the doctors from the medical students to study their responses and why if any differences). 53% of the physicians have symptoms of burn out. The survey suggested that 1/4 experience severe or moderate anxiety; 1/2 are struggling with depression and 36% had suicidal thoughts in their life time (it would have been nice to know how many had suicidal thoughts during their life as a physician). This was up 18% since 2017. This is what the news revealed. The pandemic has increased mental suffering which is a no brainer. Physicians have been taken advantage of since I can remember. They were worked to the bone before the pandemic and now well, it is impossible out there. Where is the happiest place in the world? Should people start submitting applications? Recently while unsuccessfully looking for a car which isn't dying and finding a dealership less than ethical in my opinion, though they advertise no gimmicks had apparently two physicians from other countries selling cars. In a weekly peer thing, a physician from another country who came to Canada 20 years ago is not practicing as a physician. My hairdresser who came from Ukraine years ago is married to a physician who is riding a bus. One of the physicians told me that our school system is hard. My response: "Go back to school. Of course it is hard." I don't think we should decrease our expectations for the knowledge that our physicians have, our standard, but there has to be a better way. Why not have licensed physicians from other countries work in the hospitals assisting and learning under supervision with our own physicians. People need to get paid and education is expensive. Why not encourage, by having a signed contract where we can help educate more but also ensure we get our funding in return by having them work 5 years or 10 years or so as physicians after their education is complete and they are licensed here, in needed areas. We need them out of jobs they are settling for because of cirmstances to make a living and back where they have been trained for and into the hospitals. We need to stop forcing our physicians to work (and I am going to add nurses) beyond their threshold. People who are forcing them to do this, probably couldn't do the same themselves. We need to adapt and need to do so sooner rather than later. We also need to take a wake up pill and start voting accordingly. Do you want to vote for someone you can have a beer with or do you want to vote for someone who can do the best for us. We cannot keep making the same mistakes over and over because we think it can save money. It actually costs more. For physicians and nurses - boundaries need to be set, take your vacations and have mini ones, each day mentally. Surround yourself with positive people, learn mindfullness and other relaxing techniques. Spend some time in nature each day even if it is to go outside and take a mini break or lunch. If people notice you are stressed, slow down. All too often people don't realize how stressed they are themselves. It can creep up. These are just a few pointers. Let's start to seriously take care of those who care for others. We need them. Politicians, listen to the doctors when they tell you what is needed. They know. What do you think?

Men and Families Conference 2022 - I am definitely in attendance - Please say hi if you see me. Will be wearing a name tag

Attend the first-in-the-world, government-funded conference on fatherhood and men's experiences with violence and victimization: September 15 - 16, 2022! This conference will include 2 Keynote Speakers (Drs. Denise Hines from George Mason University, USA, and Joshua Coleman, Council on Contemporary Families), 3 panel sessions, and 68 presentations from 20 countries and regions across 6 continents! Conference is hybrid, limited space. A letter to confirm your education hours can be provided at your request. Registration includes great conference swag, 2 lunches and a 10-Course Chinese dinner in Chinatown! Visit menandfamilies2022.ca or email Susan Chuang (schuang@uoguelph.ca).

Theology notes - Purgatory

Catholicism defines purgatory in the following way: after death - different from punishment of the damn. Does God really do the punishment, or something I chose? Punishment is coming from the realm of others. Violence/alienation of people chosen to be there. Dante - seven mountains of purgatory - one for each deadly sin. Corinthians 11-15, at death will be revealed by fire. Person will be saved through fire (maybe died and unfinished business). Theological belief - purgatory - preparation for heavenly realm. Notion of prayer for those in purgatory because they can’t get out on their own. Notion of penance - If someone died without the sacrament of penance. This started to become law of belief. Individual judgement at death; general judgment - we look together at human history. Structures don’t commit sin, people do. It is better to understand rather than be understood. Consequences - Buddhism/Hinduism, rebirth. Counsel of Trent re-affirmed existence of purgatory. Seven deadly sins are seven desires. There is suffering eg. giving up smoking, coffee. Purgation of detaching from strong attachments towards will of God. Limbo - is not mentioned by Ratzing. Tradition was concern for unbaptized babies. Theology of grace has development. Of course unbaptized go to heaven. Baptism is about - if baby dies, he/she is presumed dead in faith. Saint Augustine - that’s not. If you were a good person, ok for salvation. Prevenient Grace. Communion of Saints - Creed. Smate says: pray for those who have died. Pray for intersession of the Saints. Saints are like friends - some people feel a reverence with a Saint that they feel like a friend and sometimes the Saint may come to them at a special time in life. Council of Trent - Statue is an image that becomes a vocal point. Symbolic of the relationship but it also means - I am going to treat her with care. Next for theology is Hell.

Self Psychology notes continues Harvard Medical on line - Being happy

Among the happiest? 2019 report of 156 countries - U.S.A, came in 19th. Top marks - Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Netherlands, Switzerland, Sweden, New Zealand, Canada and Austria. Happy Countries tend to be those where culture and economy enable people to regularly experience pleasure, purpose and security. Unhappy people - economic inequality, warfare, corruption and lack of security make everyday a struggle to survive. Bottom ten - Haiti, Botswarna, Syria, Malawi, Yemen, Rwanda, Tanzania, Afghanistan, Central Africa Republic and South Sudan. In a study of patients who had heart attacks, those who blamed others for their own heart attacks were more likely to have a second attack in the next eight years. Those who perceived some benefit, eg. appreciating life more were less likely to have another. Mindfulness helped reduce physical and psychological symptoms in people facing a variety of challenges including cancer and chronic pain. Skin lesions - severe psoriasis cleared more when listening to recordings. Nature, hobbies, maintaining good relationships with family and friends - meaning and support sources. The pathway to happiness - feeling good, engaging fully and doing good. Happiness - life worthwhile, absence of negative feelings; genetics - part of story. Sonja Lyubomirsky and colleagues estimate 50% is inherited, 10% circumstances; 40% under our control. We are happiest when our mind is focused on the activity of the moment. Single routes to happiness - feeling good, engaging fully and doing good. People researched spent half the time thinking about other things, then what is going on around them. Being here and now is good. www.trackyourhappiness.org To be continued

The Internet Murders continues

Chapter 5 The dark figure looked at who was on today. The figure knew better than to chat and use a personal computer from home. Only once that happened, and it would have to be fixed soon. Chatting in the library or the Apple Store or anywhere else that could not be traced back was imperative. Being careful was just as challenging and almost as exciting as luring the bait. Wearing dark clothing and a hoodie blended in with the youths of today. The shadow knew what it was like to be invisible. It now suited the hooded figure just fine. Sandra, the little minx, was in the hospital. She was too close to the nursing station to risk finishing her off. Waiting for the right opportunity was fine. In the meantime … on the computer, there she is, another whore …. A Starbucks coffee rested nearby for the figure to sip on. Aw there was nothing better than Starbucks … and the little minxes. The figure typed expertly. “Why don’t we go into the private room to chat? I find you charming, and please forgive me if I am too forward, you very sexy cat woman.” “Spiderman, you are forgiven. I[…]” Excerpt From: Silva Redigonda. “The Internet Murders.”

Self Psychology

I took an online course with Harvard health and they do have some things that may be of interest to you. I was interested in their self psychology certificate, so that is what I enrolled with. I am going to list what may be of interest to you. I am glad that I have been on the right track for happiness. Here goes. The speaker is Dr Ronald D. Siegal. In the 1990’s there were supplement studies which applied to greater positive outlook. Measuring - satisfaction. Happiness leads to a healthier and longer life. The Elsa research revealed lowering of stress and less heart attacks and strokes. Happy people are more flexible and resilient. There were 22 studies on well-being, “hope enjoyment and self esteem.” People who enjoyed life more, were less likely to have a serious illness, likely married, had higher levels of wealth and education. 28% lowered their risk of death. The nun study from the University of Kentucky revealed that sisters entering to be nuns had an average age of 22. Analyzing 180 essays from those between 75 and 95 years of age, there was a strong association between longevity and expression of positive emotions, including happiness, interest, love, hope gratefulness and contentment. Women in the study who scored in the upper 25% for positive emotional words lived 9.4 years longer than those in the lowest 25%. Women who expressed the most positive emotions lived 10.7 years longer than those expressing the fewest - findings that held up after controlling for linguistic ability satisfaction. Dr Mallika Marshall asked, are you happy? To be continued.

Remove certain Clergy from the Military? Interesting Biran Dijkema - article from espritdecorps

I was reading an article from Brian Dijkema, in the Espritdecorps, a Canadian Military Magazine, volume 29, issue 5, p 42. I sometimes find a magazine I haven’t ordered come in the mail and normally read them all. This was one of them. The title is “Recommendation to remove certain CAF Clergy is Misguided.” The writer refers to Chapter 6, finding it troubling that it even made it to the Minister of Defence. It appears that the panel comes down hard on faiths that reject polytheism. Brian Dijkema states there is a “thinly veiled hostility to a number of Abrahamic religions… presenting caricatures of their adherents as violators of equality and social justice.” While I was reading this article I began thinking how all clergy were removed from one province's entire hospitals out West. I think that province has less people than our city. I talked about that before so I won’t get into again here. If you have been reading my articles for awhile, there was a talk from an American Medical Senior Doctor at Sunnybrook Hospital who wanted his young doctors to ask their patients if their religion offered them comfort. One doctor returned to him since his patient was Satanic. He asked the physician to return to the patient and ask if it offered him comfort. I don’t know who this panel is, or what the members consist of, their backgrounds, education, religious affiliations etc… I imagine with all the bad publicity of the military culture lately that the government is trying to change that. I am beginning to think more and more that military directed panels should consist of veterans and current military members, from all ranks and civilians with some expertise, whether it be psychology, psychotherapists, and apparently Theologists/ Ministry and Spirituality, if the topic is going to be about religion. If there is going to be a discussion about food, perhaps a dietician? Get my drift? The blind, leading the blind is a concept I used to hear a lot. The military is quite self efficient, at least it was in my time. It is a mini version of our society. We had our own doctors, lawyers, dieticians, dentists, hospitals, schools, police etc..including clergy - get the picture? I always had a positive experience with our clergy. Often they would accompany me when I had to go on a tough detail such as telling a relative bad news. I also worked in a hospital as an intern in my third occupation training and I can tell you, Chaplains were always busy. I stepped out from being a Pastoral Counsellor because there were those who found the term Pastoral Counsellor outdated. However being called a Psychospiritual therapist just didn’t work in my practice. I got tired of telling people I was not a spiritualist. What ended it for me was when a mother I met at an event asking me what I did and so I told her I was a Registered Psychotherapist, Registered Marriage and Family Therapist and Psycho spiritual therapist, she told me that her daughter also had the gift and continued to tell me basically what I think of as fortune telling. So that did it for me. I dropped the term and therefore eventually left the organization since there was no way of keeping my initial terminology. Members of Marriage and Family therapists in Canada are now also testing the waters for name changes. It is felt that the term is outdated. How do I feel? I don’t think that will cause too much confusion. I still see people who are married, cohabitating, living separate lives, dating, same sex, alternate sexes, etc….Mainly it is about the relationship, married or otherwise. Some want to breakup and help their partner and themselves when they declare the breakup. One of the things I do is incorporate all my education, experience with people, peer reviews, consultations and my own mentors. I find that some don’t even know who they are. It is not unusual for someone to breakdown and cry because they have been told by everyone who they are, who they should be rather than acknowledging them for who they are. Ask people. I don’t know what kind of panels are being originated for the Minister but since she is highly educated I am sure she will make the right decisions based on science and research. Perhaps she should have a researcher to review what is being forwarded to her to dismiss what isn’t reflective of the diversity of the military today, which includes tradition as well as positive changes.

Dysregulation and Stress Response provided by Ryan Slobodian, MC, CCC, CSAT from EHN Canada

This was a great refresher for me which I will share. I also learned a few things and some sparked some info of my own which I will share. First I would like to share that I really enjoyed this session. Also if any of my peers want the slides, just ask. The speaker provided an example of a military member, after a few over seas tours, eating at a restaurant and having a terror response when a car backfired. That made me think of how any police person who sits in a restaurant is always mindful to have his or her back against the wall to view the opening of someone entering. This is often misconstrued as a result of trauma. I would say this is very much in tune with training and experience as a safety precaution. There is a difference to being safety prone and experiencing a terrifying response, such as this soldier experienced. He spoke about ADHD patients who were using cocaine to regulate themselves. I find that more often than not, unfortunately, clients have more faith in street drugs than actually going for a diagnosis and getting the medication they need. Medication and diagnosis is all too often thought of as a weakness and there is also a mistrust of the system. Self medicating with alcohol and drugs from the streets have them sometimes think, that they can quit anytime and take as much or little as they need. Unfortunately we have too many deaths now a days to refute that. The speaker also talked about couple therapy and how emotional it can be the first few sessions rather than provoking thought. I can attest to that. It is a rarity that someone comes to me in couple therapy or even family therapy, where tensions are not high. Everyone thinks they are right and emotions are triggered and it does take time to diffuse all that anger. Sometimes it can be directed at the therapist (transference). It is always imperative for the therapist not to have that trigger anything in response (countertransference). The speaker spoke of triggers and to process it. He spoke of the fight and flight response most of us have knowledge of. In the freeze response our heart is beating quite high. He spoke about the fawn response which is appeasing, one adapts to the environment to keep safe. He used an example of a guy constantly being beaten by his brothers. He therefore uses manipulation as a safety feature. You may ask, “how is it keeping you safe?” . Then he mentioned faint/flog and this I have to admit was new to me as a trigger concept (as well as fawn. I am used to fight/flight and freeze as a part of my own studies.) Faint/flop is a surrender and at the extreme one totally shuts down. This made me think. One of the things I have studied pertaining to therapists is how they sometimes fall asleep in sessions. I used to think that this was terrible. That is because I always looked at it from an ethic perspective. As a therapist you should live what you preach, sleep well etc….and be alert for your clients. I thought that until I met a therapist at a seminar years ago and she told me how overwhelmed she once was by what a client was telling her that she passed out. She was horrified. Now I understand. This is not fight/flight/freeze or fawn. This is faint/flop. I don’t know if I shall ever meet that therapist again because she is from out of town, and everything is on line these days because of COVID, but this also is a pointer for me to not judge, not even my peers. Therapy, science, knowledge is always a growing sphere. When one is triggered there is a memory activation. The speaker has worked with men taking care of their mothers. How to fix mom? Who to be there for her today? When one is triggered, they should go into an area where it is safe. If triggered, regulate first. Once regulated, relate to others. Regulate by breathing, mindfulness, tapping, music, dance etc…incorporate that daily. Unfortunately I find that challenging for clients to keep up, but it is very important and so basic. For the military vet, he or she may be super vigilant even where there is no danger. Note that “super” being the operative word. There is work to be done to get used to being calm. A compassionate approach should be utilized. Utilize exposure treatments. Now, I shall stress that if someone is going to do this, they should be therapists. In one province which is not regulated I was informed by a vet, that he was placed in a room, by himself to watch war movies. I couldn’t believe it. Of course there were consequences and ultimately I advised him to get a good lawyer. I know that there are provinces where there is very little training and that needs to change. So much damage can be done. The speaker continued to state that it could take 20 sessions to trust a therapist. A client may also have been abused by a therapist. There is physical health, emotional health and spiritual health - trauma detaches from spiritual health. There is connection to self and others (shame disconnects). The speaker stated that hope is essential and I most fundamentally agree. He said that stuff is going to repeat and it is about getting on the next highway. Curiosity is important. Identifying triggers. eg - cologne triggered a man who was abused by is father wearing cologne. I have heard Vets sharing how difficult it was when bbq triggered the smell of burning bodies during war. Emotional pull is very powerful because it has kept them safe for so long. Even though it is understood, there is a need to make changes. The speaker mentioned regulating with peers, teaching emotional regulation skills, developing a daily grounding practise, mindful awareness of emotions and body sensations. Identify the triggers, understanding procedural learning ( such as masks). Police and EMS should have grounding techniques. De-briefing groups after an event and have mental health resources. Peer support - going for a drink is not good because it connects alcohol to feeling better. A person getting angry all the time - learning to deregulate, children abuse, soldiers overseas. What do you think?