Busy times - planning conferences

It is a busy week preparing, planning, working, and of course having fun, which makes for a very interesting and varied life. Sometimes I can also mix business with pleasure. I will be attending a three day conference with the American Association of Family Therapy in October and our American Colleagues will be coming as well. So I am looking forward to that. Learning and socializing is always fun for me. On the Specialist Pastoral Counselling side of the house there will be a day with speakers pertaining to "Assisted Dying" so that will be something new for me, according to the law changes. I read a few interesting articles from AAMFT's magazine which I will be sharing with you when I have more time. Again the revised DSM is being talked about and I have learned a few more things than I learned from attending Adler's School of Psychology on the topic. It is always difficult to cover everything, but the controversy remains. So, next week I shall continue with my notes on Abnormal Psychology and when all my notes are transferred here for you, I will write about the review of the DSM changes. Regarding my book sales, "Hey Guy Buy Me" was the selling book with no sales from my second book. I found that very interesting. I personally think my second book has more substance but all I got was a snear from one person who read outloud, "for love of country" Only men bought my books, though women stopped by saying that women probably buy the book more. I always find people interesting and it was a day of fun though there were fewer people than usual due to a big street fair, on Eglinton. I am very motivated to get back to writing my third book. At times I play with the plots in my mind while going somewhere. I am hoping for more time to get back to my passion of writing. I was asked once if I ever get writers block? No, it has never happened yet. I love to write and have so since writing stories for grade school. I still remember my English teacher in grade seven not believing that I actually wrote a short story that was requested in class. He challenged me in class telling me that I must have gotten it from a book in the library. I should have been flattered, but I was upset that he did not believe me and told him he could ask my mother, since I had written it in the kitchen while she was working and taking delight in my story. With that story I have shared, I would like you to think about a time when something similar happened to you. Who is in your life who supports you and validates you when you are faced with challenges? Do you have resilience and where do you get that from? Are you in a relationship that does not sustain you? Are you in a relationship that is emotionally, financially, sexually or physically abusive? Have all your support systems been removed so your partner has more control? Are you alone with no support system and rely on the internet for all your entertainment or friendships? Remember that you never know who you really are talking to. If anyone is abusing you and you are a minor, please report it to an adult preferably the police. Abusers will manipulate, threaten and terrorize. There is always help even if the abuse stems from within your own family. Where do you get your motivation to face challenges? What do you think?

American Bush politician, wishes Pope would mind his own business? It’s all our business pal!!!!!

Ok, so he didn’t say it quite that well, but when I watched the news this morning before starting my day and looked at that condescending smugness of a politician trying to separate religion from large corporations exploiting the poor and our planet, I felt my blood rising. That our planet is in serious trouble has nothing to do with religion, it has lots to do with our disrespectful nature all around us. But, someone needs to wake up and smell the coffee before we run out of it. Years ago I attended a two or three day seminar at a university where we were basically told, “ not your generation, and not your children but their children will see the end of this planet and if they continue to tamper, it may be even sooner”. This was before they even talked about global warming and changed it to climate change, because global warming is confusing for some. Why bother educating, just change the name. This information we were receiving originated from Scientists who have been basically ignored. Hard to tell a Scientist to mind his or her own business huh? Them you can just ignore or produce a gag order. So, I think that it is great that the Pope is taking this stand, because this problem is big and it is terminal. We are increasing the process yearly where before it took about 82 years. Several weeks ago I watched a USA documentary entitled "Poverty in America". Basically, the poor are getting poorer and the rich are getting richer. Anyone notice? (It's happening everywhere) They demonstrated about 400 people as the richest in the States who could control the bottom half of the States and about one percent of them are even more powerful. There used to be a narrower divide in income and this is becoming the past. I think that this is sad. I would recommend that every American and Canadian watch that program. Whatever happens in the States normally comes here. Unfortunately society does not learn from its past or neighbours. I was amazed as I watched and learned that American Corporations are paying less taxes than a firefighter. Am I surprised? It was bound to happen. When a bank here wanted to increase their teller fees, in spite of billions of profits, thankfully some went to the press and the bank told us that they heard. So, the fees from them are staying the same (for now). Every once in awhile some politician and hopeful comes to Toronto and tells us how we can improve etc….I believe that one of them was trying to get free health care for the States but then it quickly came to a halt. I wonder why that happened? Care to guess? They try to convince the people that a free health care system would be socialism. That is manipulation in its finest. These same people who say this, are backed by huge corporations who would lose a lot of money if caring for people became a priority. So, yes, it is all our business when people are getting poorer and our planet is sick. So, Bush, listen up. We all need to do our part, but some have the resources and others naught. In this day and age there is no need for anyone to go to sleep hungry, no one should have to lose their home to pay health bills or any bills. And it is definitely not ok, to exploit mother nature. It is time for all of us to look at all our politicians and observe what they are doing and then take action by voting while we still have an option. Oh, I almost forgot, though Bush obviously stung this morning, Trump, trumped him by reporting that he would build a wall South of the border. I couldn’t stop laughing long after he stopped talking. Looks like the Mexican government got a tad upset. Aw, forgive them for they really don’t know what they’re doing or do they???????? This Saturday I will be selling "Hey Guy Buy Me" and "For Love of Country: Military Policewoman". I will be at Oakwood Avenue (which is an extension of Ossington Avenue). I will be between the Bakery shop and the CIBC bank cooling off under an umbrella. If you are a friend of mine bring coffee. If you are not a friend of mine, no offence but I do not take any candy from a stranger. However, you are all free to buy a book. No pun intended. If you cannot make it, you still have the option to buy from me directly or on eBay. An ebook may be mailed to you as well. Have a very nice weekend, enjoy your lives and don’t mind your own business. What do you think?

Did you have a nice weekend? You may now buy my books directly from me and pay with pay pal! How is that for a start?

My weekend was busy as usual but Sunday (my day of rest) was spent with family in my backyard. One family member fed the singing Cardinal and of course my squirrels came to watch, seeking more peanuts. It was quiet too because it was raining and so neighbours stayed indoors. Except for the faint roar of the Indy, it was a very peaceful day, eating and drinking and having good conversation. I want to let you know that I called pay pal and they gave me options. I have read some of what they have sent me. So, if you want any of my books or ebook, all I need is your address (with postal code). I will then check how much it would cost to ship the books to you. You will have the option of having it sent to you quickly or most economically. I will then find out for you and break in down for you on an email. Then I will have pay pal send you the pay options. Once you have paid, I will send you the book. If you want the ebook, I will upload it to you on an email and then you can download it. That would be the cheapter option. So, that is how I will work it for now, until I have the opportunity to explore other options. What do you think? How do you spend weekends? Does it make you happy? Why?

About my books: 2 are on ebay ----------- Go Daddy.........why?

I have been exploring my options and again I have to give it a rest, due to other work and play commitments. I have placed two books for sale on ebay. I have also learned after spending a full morning this week, that you can not upload an ebook on ebay which is too bad. The impression I am getting is that there is a concern of copy rights. I hold all rights to all of my two books and ebook. I am looking into pay pal for my blog so that I can post my books here and have interested parties pay via paypal. If I could have done that with the other one I wasted a lot of time with, surely I could do it here. Being a self published writer is a learning experience. If I wanted to do this right, I would have to hire an agent, a distributer etc....It is a big business which is kind of sad because the actual writer can beome quite dissuaded. However, where there is a will, there is a way, and I shall find it. I have to always consider that I have two businesses and I write for fun which has nothing to do with my practice. However, I do keep a few books there if anyone ever wants to drop by. This would be so easy if Go Daddy could figure out how to put a link to Canada Post. So, when you are buying products you think is coming from the States, it could be coming from Russia. Is that not interesting??? Now Canada has to start getting motivated to do our own thing. I have sent out emails to Canadian Companies and guess what?????You can guess, because I am still trying to figure this all out. Also, check the better business borough and complaints. That brought me back to the beginning. So, I need to now take a break from all this book non-business and do my other stuff. I shall pick a day next week to continue figuring this out. Who knows maybe by then Go Daddy will figure out how to put a link to Canada Post (Canada Post is complaining about losing business - maybe I should call them to see if they have any options for me? Their on-line business web doesn't really enlighten me). Maybe ebay can figure out that maybe people can sign and prove that they have all rights to their book? Wouldn't that be something? I am not really a business person because I have always worked in the service of others and quite frankly still do. But, what I would recommend to people out there, is get a business degree before deciding what you want for a career, because our world is one big business. So in a dog eat dog world, this pup is ready to roar. Have a nice weekend, thank you for reading my blogs. Take time to relax daily and spend one full day of time for something you love to do by yourself or family. Too much stress is very destructive and it can creep up without you realizing it. Managing stress should always be part of your life. What do you think?

Web site cancelled

When it rains, it pours. I had no choice but to cancel with Go Daddy for silva.redigonda.com. I do have my domain name for about the next three years, but they were kind enough to give me a refund for the rest, and because of that I would still recommend them for anything but having to ship an item out. I had been working on word press all morning and when working with that, I realized it is more or less a blog. It too did not function for me as a web site. However, for my www.redigondapsychotherapy.com site, I am quite pleased and it is very user friendly. I shall continue with go daddy for that. This is my day off, so I am now going to enjoy the rest of it. So, learn from me so you don't have to. If you want to buy a book, you may contact me personally.

New Web site for books

I mentioned in a previous blog that I found the delivery for my books on my website problematic because it is based from the U.S.A. This has not been working for me so I am arranging as I type this to you to have a different site still with Go Daddy help to change my application to word press. Because I have to do this to connect to Canada Post I will have to re-design my new web site from scratch. So if you are ever, ever building your own web-site ensure that delivery is applicable from your location. You need to do this yourself as many like to see themselves as being from the States to sell their products.

The Woman's Trap (undergrad, English paper)

THE WOMAN ‘S TRAP By Silva Redigonda THE WOMAN’S TRAP Women have been raped by men, denounced by men, loved by men and hated by men. As a mouse is trapped with a little cheese, women have been trapped for centuries and sometimes the element of surprise has been just as astonishing. But a woman is not a mouse. She is human and no better or worse than any man. A woman deserves equal value in this world where ever she may live. The ideas expressed in The Second Sex depicts a patriarchal society where women are considered second to men. This essay will demonstrate how The Second Sex reveals the struggles of being a single woman, a married women and the cost of attaining independence in a patriarchal society clearly portrayed in A Woman and Artemisia. Being a single woman in a patriarchal society exposes her to the whims of men. She may be protected by men, ignored, or trampled by men. What is important is that the choice is hardly hers. The Second Sex reports that, “Men have always held the lot of woman in their hands, and they have determined what it should be, not according to her interest, but rather with regard to their own projects, their fears, and their needs.” (De Beauvoir, pg 129). The text Artemisia demonstrates this control. The narrator guides the reader to show the contrast of a father who is often away, preferring his art to his responsibilities as a father, to the man who rapes her, to a brother who loves and cares for her. Her father“… would come back late in the evening….” (Banti, pg 10) Left alone too often, the father fails in his responsibility to protect his daughter as she becomes prey, to a man who violates her, “I closed my ears to the sound of Agostino’s voice and footsteps, but our shadows had already joined together. And so once again he did what he wanted.” (Banti, pg 21). The narrator demonstrates the father’s power to influence and encourage his daughter’s art by the merest of attention, and the impact her father’s attention has to her happiness, “As he bent over she saw the laughter lines at the corners of his eyes contract, the prelude to a smile, a sign of satisfaction….he delicately softened a rather hard charcoal line in the angel’s garment.” …(that evening) “Orazio began to speak and Artemisia was so happy that the meaning of the words escaped her.” (Banti, 32). It is Francesco, Artemisia’s brother who offers his sister the constant support and love she craves. This sister considered a child in this century but not hers, “…the harmony of the gestures with which brother and sister tidy the table and extinguish the lamp is worth as much as a handclasp, a sign of gratitude. (Banti, pg 29) A Woman is similar to Artemisia as both main characters are raped (Aleramo, pg 35). In contrast to Artemisia the narrator of A Woman describes a more promising life that begins with servants in the household (Aleramo, pg 15). The narrator describes how education provided by the father for his daughter causes the mother worry, “…she didn’t approve of the education he so ardently wanted for me. She was worried for me, fearing that I would grow up devoid of emotions, fated to live only through my intellect.” (Aleramo, pg 7) Education is permitted because the father desires it. The mother considers education to belong to a man’s domain but she has no influence in a patriarch society. It is because of that patriarchy, she considers education to belong to men alone while, “she fully intends to fit her daughter into the feminine role.”(De Beauvoir, pg 281) The narrator of A Woman relates the opportunity of employment offered by her father and the encouragement of employment vice marriage to enforce his own dissatisfaction of his marriage. “I would never be happy unless I could go on working, and that furthermore all girls should do the same as me, for marriage was a mistake – father said so.” (Aleramo, pg 29) But employment is snatched away as easily as it comes because his father has control of her destiny, “Suddenly he carried out his earlier threat and instructed me not to return to the office.” (Aleramo, pg 39) The Second Sex has clearly projected the male dominance observed in A Woman and Artemisia from rape to acceptance, the man clearly has the power to control women according to his own will. The married woman in a patriarchal society has a role that defines her husband. The male is called upon for action, his vocation is to produce, fight, create, progress, to transcend himself toward the totality of the universe and the infinity of the future: but traditional marriage does not invite woman to transcend herself with him; it confines her immanence shuts her up within the circle of herself. De Beauvoir pg 448 A Woman demonstrates how a married man transcends himself successfully while his spouse feels trapped in a marriage, by the man who raped her when she was single. A woman’s descent is witnessed, as her freedom is controlled. Being independent single, let alone married was unique for certain men, “The only thing that surprised him my independence, so accustomed was he to think of women as naturally servile and submissive. (Aleramo, pg 31) The married woman feels what her place is, “My new flannel dresses constantly reminded me that I really was a married woman, a serious person, whose place in life was irrevocably fixed.”(Aleramo, pg 45) Control turns violent. The wife is suspected of adultery, without proof, “And once again I found myself on the floor. I felt him kicking me, twice, three times.” (Aleramo, pg 86). The Second Sex explains male violence, “In masculine hands logic is often a form of violence, a sly kind of tyranny…”(De Beauvoir, pg 463) Aleramo reports living a prison, “he was still jealous of me: I could move round the house in the mornings because our maid was there, but I wasn’t allowed into any room that looked on to the street. (Aleramo, pg 94). The only support this woman has is her doctor, “I felt that no one had ever been as close to me as was this gentle, depressed young man.”(Aleramo, pg82)” I was grateful for his visits. When he was there he at least brought a subdued echo of that world I thought I had finished with. (Aleramo, pg 97) A Woman clearly depicts the change a woman undergoes from being single, and responsible to her father, to being married and responsible to her husband. Her own identity is never hers. When I agreed to marry a man who had oppressed and assaulted me when I was young and unprotected, I had believed that I was obeying nature, that my destiny as a woman was forcing me to acknowledge an inability to go through life on my own. But I had not wanted this destiny to more powerful than me, and had hoped that if I accepted it as a full human being, I could make it my own. Aleramo, pg 79 Artemisia in contrast provides an alternative perspective to marriage, ““how lovely it is to belong to someone, to lose one’s identity, to become different, unrecognizable. How lovely is it?”” (Banti, pg 73) This young woman finds herself living in a bedroom shared with her husband, in the home of his family. Her exposure to the entire household is eavesdropping through a crack of her bedroom door (Banti, pg 68). Yet, the young wife feels secure in her position as she sleeps with her husband, “she contemplated this gift, this surprise, this creature that slept at her side, totally relaxed … her counterpart, her contemporary and her equal…”(Banti, pg 72). Both texts display the married heroines as being controlled and restricted to where they may wander, in their homes. A woman can live restricted for only so long before retaliating or becoming completely subdued. A test of courage in a patriarchal society is tested when a woman demands and seeks independence. The Second Sex reveals that, “Only independent work of her own can assure woman’s genuine independence.” (De Beauvoir, pg 475) In Artemisia this is proven true, “…her brother offers her a lovely apartment in Ripetta with an anteroom and salon which a Frenchman is willing to let her have in return for ten large canvases a year. “Six at the most,” she retorts...”(Banti, pg 475). Artemisia has the courage to leave the dominance of her husband’s home to live in her own apartment. She may do this because she is an Artist and therefore has a position to obtain income. This pays for her freedom. “Antonio seemed to have decided to follow her, to live with her, to obey her in short.”(Banti, pg 79) Such a step takes courage not only for a woman but for her husband as well. But a man cannot be comfortable in a position second to his wife, no matter how much he loves her in a patriarchal society. After an argument which completes her power, he leaves her, “She does not say to herself, “”He’ll be back.””She has the premonition that she has been abandoned…her mild fainting fit that was not ministered to by he whose duty it was.”(Banti, pgs 84-85) Aleramo develops a progressive independence. After writing, “a short article and send{ing} it to a paper in Rome. They published it.”(Aleramo, pg 115). She is subsequently offered a small salary to write (Aleramo, pg 119). But it is after an inheritance is provided from her uncle that independence is guaranteed. “I was to have 25,000 lire….It meant that I would acquire some financial independence. It wasn’t a large amount, but it would support my child, even if I had to work to support myself.” (Aleramo Pg 205) Both women in the texts battle a patriarchal system in their struggle for independence. In Artemisia, a man living in his wife’s house and being exposed to a woman’s independent spirit is too much for him. In a A Woman the ultimate sacrifice is the loss of son in exchange for her freedom, “All right, I could go; but not the child, he would stay.” (Aleramo, pg 212) The Second Sex has literally depicted how women are second to men in Artemisia and A Woman. Fathers control their daughters and husbands control their wives. When circumstances change for the women because of an income of their own, equality is demanded and the system is tested. There is the loss of a child for one woman because ultimately the husband has control over his child. Another loses her husband because a woman cannot be in control. Her fury cannot be understood. The struggle continues because traps are laid throughout the countries, some more evident than others. At times a woman is astonished when she finds herself in one, more often than not, she is not surprised at all. The Second Sex continues to explain. Now, what peculiarly signalizes the situation of woman is that she – a free and autonomous being like all human creatures – nevertheless finds herself living in a world where men compel her to assume the status of the Other. De Beauvoir Banti cries out what marriage is to a woman, “

Italian Festival at Casa Loma was awesome!

Last Sunday I was at Casa Loma right at 10:00 and the parking was already full. Initially I did not believe that and thought that the policeman was just pulling my leg. (The Casa Loma area is the initial site for my third book. I love that Castle and recommend it for tourists coming to Toronto.) I was directed to park at George Brown College (I didn't even know they had a parking area). A shuttle bus was to transport people from the parking area to the castle. That would be my only complaint of the day. There were no signs or direction and so I walked to the castle and back (I really need to walk more anyway). There are working on the castle again and so a portion of the building is wrapped up, protection from the elements while the crew work on it, I suppose. Once in, I provided my free pass and they provided me with a green wrap for my wrist. Italians love food, and so, since I am perfectly half of an Italian, I love food too. No half about that part. Initially I thought there would be nothing without meat in it (I cannot eat animals or birds or anything that has had a life). I was mistaken. There was food galore and expresso and so I began with a cappucino. I wasted no time treating myself to all the samples. I even learned how to make some new stuff for me. I saw Italian men wearing police uniforms and I took a great picture of an older man wearing huge feathers all over his head in a helmet type something or other. I took a close up of him. I toured the castle, since it has been a few years and stopped to watch a movie. There were tables with all sorts of Italian displays and soon the two bags I was provided with were full. I kept looking for the people who had invited me, but I was ok on my own because I really enjoy my own company. The grounds were beautiful and as I stood there looking over my city, I was enchanted by the CN tower which I think is our landmark and surprisingly I could see the lake. Somehow, I had never noticed the lake from there before and wondered why. A man approached me and gave me a high end ice cream. I know about never taking candy from a stranger, but no one ever said anything about ice cream. I stopped taking pictures while eating my ice cream. After checking out the entire premises, having my full of food and treats, I walked over to a tent with chandeliers. I took pictures of the see through tent and enormous chandeliers. There were more politicians in this room than I had seen in I don't know how many years. Our Mayor was there, our Premier was not but she had a rep there. There were a few counsellors sprinkled here and there and everyone spoke. One of the politicians from Vaughan (just North of the city) said that 40% of the population there is Italian origin. He thanked the two people for clapping and the woman beside me, huffed and puffed and said we are in Toronto (in other words, who cares about Vaughan. After all we are the centre of the universe). There was a famous Italian singer/actor who sang us some songs. I had never heard of her, but I certainly did recognize the background video with her singing with Pit bull and another with Micheal Bolton. He was also saying something nice in another video about Italians. Then there was ET Canada also saying something nice about Italians. He was of Italian origin. It was great fun and I spoke to everyone because that is what Italians do (am I stereo typing? Is that ok if I was born in Italy?) Anyhow, after dancing a bit with "Arianna's" music. I hope I got her name right, because if she could get me to dance to music I never heard of in a room full of whoever, she is really good. She worked the crowd and I was amazed at how she did that. Is that what separates the famous from the rest of us? They know how to engage, how to motivate a crowd? Wow they could all be politicians. Is that how Arnold S. did it? And the rest of them? After her performance, people began to leave and a politician was asking us not to, so I sat a bit longer until he stopped asking us to stop leaving and then I left. I re-entered my castle and this time the garden room (I call it that). It is a sun room where I can see myself being served high tea surrounded by roses. To dream.......... The place was full of wine. I picked up one glass and while the server was providing small sips in each big glass for people, one man poured a good amount in my big glass. I couldn't leave the area because one man was in position to stop me, so I had to leave my glass with wine on the table. I made one more effort to find some people I knew and then filling full of food, drink, ice cream and entertainment, I went to find the shuttle bus. The event made me think of my roots and how important my dad has always been to me. There was an Italian business and professional organization at the event, which would cost me 200. annually to belong to. It would be good for networking and I fulfill most of their requirements. I have to think about it. How Italian am I? Being at the event reminded me of my childhood where my parents would take me to the Italian events. My mom used to say that the Swiss people mingled with everyone and that is why they had nothing compared to the Italian people. In my pracise it is very important to consider the whole person and that includes the cultural background as well. The more extreme the differences can be for those deciding to come to Canada from their homeland, the more conflict the children may face. That is one possibility. In my second book, I speak about the Italian culture and it is not always favourable when I compare Canada to Italy. So, if I join the Italian Professional something or other, will I be considered a problem child if I cannot emerse myself into a culture which I identify with, understand but am perhaps too Canadian? After all, I love Canada. It is my country. The singer made one comment that I thought was very interesting. She said that she loves coming to Canada because the Italians here are more Italian than in Italy. She also mentioned learning a dialect and saying that dialects are languages. I had heard that before, but dialects cannot be understood by all. I think of a dialect as a dialect. I cannot speak the dialect my father spoke when he wanted to. He just did that among his own people. However, I understood it. With my mom and myself, he just spoke Italian formally I suppose with English thrown in to make it sound Canadian. For instance throw in a o at the end of car in English, and it is given an Italian flair. It means nothing in Italian. When I was at York University there was a stir about a girl of Italian origin who had written a book about the Italians living in Woodbridge. Apparently the Italians were not too happy. I never read the book and don't even know what it is called, but that is how she thought it and well why do we always have to love it all? When I was writing my second book, two people representing two cultures asked me why? Why? Because it is about me, from my perspective during that time. There are cultures where women are subservient to men. There are cultures where because of choices people are killed. There are countries where freedoms are unheard of. One of the wonderful things I love about my city is that there are representatives from everywhere and we work well together and play well together. If I go somewhere and everyone is the same, I can find that rather boring which reminds me very much of the "Stepford wives". What I love about my city is the different music, the different food, the differences which makes us all the same in some form or another. What do you think? Oh by the way, those beautiful pictures I took, they all disappeared when I accidently deleted them from my camera as I was marvelling at the photos, even one I thought of using as a cover for my third book. Ouch, that hurt!