Why we need a College of Psychotherapy.

Again I have been receiving protesting emails now asking for money to fight the College of Psychotherapy. Not only do I get annoyed by emails I really don't like, such as the newest way to scam me, but I also get emails to advertise for free or at minimal costs to connect my name to some organization or another. I am not going to attach my name to advertise anything in any way to endorse them. Awe ya awe! During a seminar, I heard a representative from a board of an organization, speak out to her audience, that the College of Psychotherapy is only a money opportunity for the government. Yes, it is expensive, however, the public needs to be protected and there needs to be someone to crack knuckles. Also, the board member should keep her biases to herself and only speak out to members with what she knows is facts. It appears now much was known. At the same seminar, I attended a workshop hoping to learn something new about addiction. The speaker from a well respected organization said she also teaches at Ryerson University. Now, she has a Masters degree. However, on her slide which I am sure she provides for her students she has PHD (c), as part of her credentials. In my ethics class, I thought that was a rediculous question. Why would someone not having a PHD indicate that she is a candidate. So she wants to have a Phd, well someone needs to tell her she does not have it, and therefore, you cannot follow it behind your name. A woman at my table was horrified as well. "She may not even be successful." And that is one reason we need a College. Here is a woman who is teaching at a university and her students may think that she is more educated, then she is. If she was with the college, she could be reported and that would come off immediately. In all fairness, she may not even know that it is unethical. That is all I learned from her lecture. I am sure that the slides were for first year students. I learned absolutely nothing at all, besides witnessing something unethical. So, please stop sending me emails for protesting against a College very much needed to protect the public. I support it. I think this is long over do. I would like to see everything registered, so that when people pay big bucks for services, they know someone has their back.

Oh little town of Ferguson. I do not know where you are.

25 Nov 14 I was going to write about my two day conference but as I opened my mail this morning, I see the verdict for the policeman and the town of Ferguson reacting with a mob mentality. Last night as I was watching Dancing With the stars, the show was interrupted to talk about the results of the verdict. I was hoping he would get to the point and let me watch my show, but it did not take long to understand that he was preparing the viewers with the outcome. I felt very sorry for the policeman for what he has gone through and what he is going through. I hope that the police department have their own therapist and that he is seeing him or her at least twice a week. It is not that I do not have compassion for the youth who has died and his family who is grieving. However, this is about the policeman. I am thankful that we are in this century, though I do not think we have advanced emotionally, nor intellectually, as we have electronically. When there is no balance, there is a problem. I saw my own city go mad, with riots in the city and of course the police were blamed. We train police, the best way they can be trained and then we put them in the streets and tell them to make spontaneous decisions, and the correct ones as well as the politically correct ones. We have a legal system in North America and else where, where people are innocent until proven guilty. People because of their own prejudices or sufferings may not like the verdicts. When I was watching the news of my own city spiralling out of control, I was wondering why the newscasters were bashing the police. It was not the police setting their cars on fire or smashing windows. The press has a lot of power and I am very grateful to the press because they are very important in democracy for exposing truths. However, they are also trained to my understanding from previous studies, that instead of a five (numerical scale) output for example, there should be extreme polars to generate interest. At times especially, at small excerpts releases, snap shots are provided and not necessarily full truths. I remember a professor being quite annoyed when a study of fish was compared to the sexuality of humans. I found it amusing, but I also found it misleading for the general public. As I was watching my own city being torn apart because dissidents did not like the political G2 meetings, I kept changing channels so I could focus on what was happening, rather than how they thought the police were performing. I remember some time ago a woman commentating to me that it was expectant of a bus driver to be abused by passengers, that it came with the job. Funny thing about that, I thought we had bus drivers to transport us. I told her that, much to her annoyance. Was I wrong? Are people expected to be abused just because of the nature of their jobs? In the legal system it is important to determine truths by separating facts from fictions. It is much more involved than that but it is about determining what was really happening, leading to a specific act. There are procedures to determine truths. Recently a previous colleague of mine said, “It has gone to the opposite extreme.” I knew what he meant in relations to the political arena of the job he is doing. Times have changed and with times we should progress with changes. People join positions where they protect others for various reasons, but for most, though I am speaking without research, but from experience, most people who join organizations to help others, really want to help people. In cities there is a diffusion of responsibility, where people will wait for others to call the police and they may stand by watching someone be killed. They are not bad people. They just expect someone else to do something. Research has shown that police or other emergency services personnel, off duty, will respond to help more so than anyone in the general public. In small towns or bigger towns but not cities, the general population is more inclined to help. Even a study of theology students rushing to class, ignored someone needing help. I found that amusing too. I find much amusing because I find it all very hypocritical. That in itself is amusing. Now I will share something, since I am on a roll of injustice. It is a story I heard during the weekend that was very painful to the person telling it, however, it was very powerful to me as I heard it. The woman was telling the story of her background. Her mother told her that her own mother was a very devout Catholic and that it was her wish that the speaker would be a nun and her brother a priest. The son was favoured. When her mom became a nun, she chose a feminine version of her brother’s name (notice it was the son who was considered more important and by taking his name, it would put her in par in some way). After 17 years living a cloistered life, she could no longer do it and she left the convent. Her brother who was now a priest and her entire family disowned her. She was excommunicated by the Church as well. She met and married a Jew and adopted his religion. It was when a gossiping woman began telling others that she was not a “real Jew” that she began to notice people from the Synagogue react differently towards hers and always looking at her. She left that as well as it was too difficult for her, not to be accepted. She never told her husband about her background, fearing that he too and his family would abandon her. However, she did tell her daughter. Her daughter told her father after the mom had died. His response was surprise and that he had loved her very much. That would never had made an inkling of difference to him. Such tragedy from abandonment from organized religion (of the time), family and the destructive effects of idle gossip. Where am I going with this? There is so much suffering. There is so much expectations of how others should behave. Why not step back and take another view? Is it possible that when an act is committed either good or bad, that it is innocent? I remember telling a Priest once how hypocritical I found the people going to church to be. He responded quite casually, “Silva, don’t you see, they are the ones who really need to go to Church.” That made so much sense to me. So for you people who enjoy to gossip and stir the pot, you are getting the attention you seem to need, but remember that something you are saying may cause an enormous pain to another to the point where their entire lives can change. Why not take a good look at yourself and ask why you are doing this? Why not embrace someone instead of bashing them? Why not welcome them instead of mocking them? For the policeman in Ferguson who has so much hatred against him, would this had been different if he was a Black American Policeman? It is very difficult to take a life for many, even if it is thought that it is a matter of life or death for oneself or others. From the weekend Conference it was gleaned that American Soldiers return home traumatized by what they have seen or even done. They return home not thinking that they deserve their families. And one of the most devastating experiences for them is losing their belief in God. In couple therapy, what I always need to do first is defuse the personal attacks couples direct at each other. Once the emotional outbursts are diffused, then each can really begin to listen to the other, really listen. Once one can hear, than change is possible. There are really good people out there in the world. They suffer and they say and do terrible things. However, by stepping back, calming down and really examining a situation or cause, one may be able to separate the fact from fiction and really want to know what is truth and how to find it. What do you think?……….. Now I have to go outside and check out the damages from last night’s windstorm.

To the Abused Woman - I am speaking to you

I interned for a year at a Women's Crises Centre, where women were abused emotionally, physically, financially and sexually. This message is to you, the abused woman. Men, I know that you are abused in the same way and that you have the additional burden of being a man and people still have a problem acknowledging you as a victim or survivor. However, today I am speaking to the abused woman....... I know that your husband gets upset when you speak to the neighbours or anyone else even casually and that is why, you only do so when he is not around. When he is not around you feel safe. Think about that. You feel safe to be yourself when he is absent. I know that you feel free to open the blinds of your home when he is not there. You feel free to go out when he is not there. How did this happen to you? You ask yourself this when he is not around. How did you, coming from a good family with a close relationship with your sibling let this happen to you? I have written about the honeymoon effect. Find it in an earlier blog. Now ask yourself something? Why are so afraid of being yourself? When did it happen, that you realized he had so much control over you? What is worse, the abuse or the shame of thinking you have failed at marriage? I shall let you know something. No one has the right to treat you badly. Love between a man and woman can be very beautiful and you are beautiful, though he may have convinced you now, that you are not. You are young and beautiful with a whole life in front of you. Your husband is a bully, because he can be. He gets away with it, and he convinces you that it is you and not him. It is you that makes him angry. Right! That is the pattern. Don't believe it. He is surrounded by people who support him, he says. Women are not taken seriously in society. Don't believe it. He is projecting his views on you. It is he, who thinks it is oky to trample on women or anyone else that he can. Where is your support? Slowly, he removed all your support. Your sibling is stupid and rediculous and you have your own family now.........Your friend is an idiot and you should not see her anymore. All these people turn you against me. When did you let him take full control over you? What can you do? You live in a country where this is not tolerated. There have been changes in the law so that you can get the protection you need. You do have a voice, an equal voice to the man you married, but somehow you have forgotten that. I am writing to you today to tell you that you have a choice. You can leave the abuse. Let others who he wants you to stay away from, help you. Tell someone. It is not your shame, it is his. His threats have control over you but not the legal system, or support systems in place. You are young and life is so short. Find the joy in being yourself. Find the joy of being loved in a healthy supportive way. Feel alive when you wake up with the joy of life. It is your choice - remember that. What do you think?

Ethics and marketers - A big business at the cost of who?

There is a market for everything, so I do not know why I am surprised that there is a marketing process for therapists as well. I am contacted by a variety of advertisement opportunities. I am contacted for free suppers where I soon see that it is to recommend a spa like rehab facility to the States at quite a cost, etc.... Recently I was contacted for radio. I was not interested. The caller named off some celebrity shows and I recognized one American court room show or was it two? The area code of the caller was from Ottawa. Would I like to be on radio? “No, but thank you.” I keep repeating that phrase throughout the marketing scheme. At least I think it is. Then it comes. “Don’t you want to advertise?” “I do ok.” I respond. “Is this marketing?” I ask. I am assured that it is not marketing, however, I would be a client. I was right, me thinks……. So this morning as I was taking time out with my morning coffee, I was wondering what I should write in todays weekly blog. Should I write that indeed I had to buy the light bulbs made in China at Home Depot and that surprise surprise the bulbs were miniature though the box exterior had big bulbs depicted? Now they are on my tree and around the fireplace and I am where I have started. I need big bulbs, so now what? Do I have to open the boxes, like a woman was doing to see what was inside? No, I will not do that, but I will return them in future. Why did I not this time? Because of time? Do I write that Christmas is approaching and there are people out there who find Christmas so sad that they cannot stand to be alive? If that is you, please get help. Why give up? I assure you that there is help. Do I talk about pedophiles and creepy men who prey on young girls and boys on the internet? Do I write about one of my seminars? There is so much to write about, but ethics is on my mind. The college is on my mind. If I ever ever ever go on any type of show, it would be because I want to. It would not because I want to reach a target for hundreds of clients, for more money. It would be for something good for people. Now I know that I would be prepared for my own questions. This has been a bit disappointing. I suppose all this marketing is because clients are not covered by OHIP. With the amount of sadness out there and how it effects the health of people, that is too bad. Maybe because this is my third career I can examine this from an ethical perspective very clearly. This was certainly not on any exam question or was it? I cannot advertise endorsements. I was surprised that there was such a question, but why? I cannot accept a fee for referring. Too bad physicians do. Where are their ethics? So if there are marketers out there reading my blogs, do me a favour. Don’t ask me out to fine dining so I will maybe recommend your spa to a client. Don’t ask me to go on a radio show with pre questions so, God forbid, I not embarrass my self with something thrown at me. If I could be that easily in discomfort perhaps I should not be on radio?????? Don’t contact me to spend more of my money to advertise with you. I advertise in the community paper once a month, because it is in my community. I am on the web. I drop off my cards with Specialist spelled wrong because I have one thousand cards. This is my retirement career. I do this because I want to. I pace myself so I can be the best I can be, so I can best help my clients and remain happy myself. I have a fee of 100. a fifty minute session, when I can charge much more if the economy can bare it and it can. This fee is affordable for people even if they see me less. So, please stop calling me or coming to see me. In other words, don’t contact me, I’ll contact you. I would love to be able to put these people out of business with hefty fines for misrepresentation. Maybe with time and enough exploitation someone will consider this unethical and do something about it. I am not going to send anyone to a spa. Clients should always pick their own locations. Recommendations should always be based on the quality of care and not aesthetics. Care for clients should never be a profit scheme. What do you think? Coming soon, a two day seminar with the Ontario branch of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists - my home.

After the Affair

I finally completed reading, "After the Affair" by Dr Janis Abrahms Spring & Michael Spring. I had attended one of her conferences in the past. Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful. Does having an affair mean the marriage or relationship is over? No. I remember a fellow undergrad whose interest was in this area and she provided me with a copy of her paper. I was interested. I did read things that surprised me then. I miss those days where everyone was so eager to learn in their different streams and of course because of our learning we were always striving to learn more. I have matured and the eagerness has become a more down to earth maturity with knowledge. I can never know enough. Therefore, I am responsible to keep learning to benefit myself and my clients. There was a time when I would only read to learn and develop myself. Now I read for pleasure as well. I know that it is only a matter of time when I will write my own book about therapy, but for now, I shall indulge in fiction. I shall soon return to my third book when I have completed all my endless paperwork. It will be strictly fictional and then I have an idea for one more fiction. After that I will write about therapy. Til then........... For those of you having an affair out there, maybe you too should pick up this book. People who may not be happy in their marriages may seek an escape whether it is an affair, spending time in the garage or elsewhere, from the partner. Maybe it is time for you to seek help. For people who have had their partners cheat on them, this is a good book for you to look to for some answers as some of this may apply to you. It takes two to work on a relationship. We cannot change other people but we can change ourselves and that has a domino effect. If you are thinking of divorcing, why not think about giving your relationship a good try first. After all, if you committed to yourself, why not give your marriage a chance by looking at yourself and the relationship. What are you willing to give up to please your partner? What is your partner willing to change to please you? How was your relationship, when you first met? How is it now? When did things change? Now, what can you do to get that love for your partner back? The first step is letting go your affair. That is your escape and perhaps it is time to face what you have in your life and make informed decisions. What do you think?

Made in China. No thank you!

It has been a busy month and with Christmas fast approaching it does not appear to me that it will slow down. However, I always manage to balance my life and being content like a Persian cat is my motto. I am looking forward to hosting an annual cousins Christmas get together. Did I mention I love parties and gatherings? I tried to see if I could get a vegetarian platter at Costco’s - no such luck. They would remove the meat, they said, but I did not actually want meat removed. A friend of mine, a very proud Jew, who after her last celebration told me how she finally found someone who could cater wonderfully, invited me the day after to help her eat some of the left overs. She also gave me a doggy bag to bring home and I will return the favour some day. Maybe it will be after my own celebration of having some family. Maybe I will ask for the phone number of her service. Maybe I will just breakdown and make a tea like event by buying loads of bread, cutting the edges and slicing them into squares. First I will magically produce an array of cream and cucumbers, tuna, salmon (I still eat some fish if it does not look at me). I love high tea and so why not? Of course there will be cheese, fruit, wine etc……..I love life. Now back to China. But first I want to let you know that I have attended more conferences and have one more this month which will stretch to two days and then of course after all that networking, getting up to date with my professional development, I will head off to my favourite place in Ontario, Niagara Falls to catch the Ice Show, buy some home grown wine and just enjoy life in my free country. Now back to China. Oh yes, I will talk about my conferences. There was some actual research done concerning psychotherapy and spirituality right here in my home town. I personally thought it was a very small sample and could of been done better but it is a start and some research is better than no research. Now back to China. Oh, before I begin with China, there is a group of people really upset about the College of Psychotherapy, who I am still waiting patiently to open office, even if it is going to take more money from my pocket. If you are not qualified, no more taking money from people who have no clue what qualifications are required to provide psychotherapy. I am excited that the government has awaken and become concerned that people are in practice with no qualifications. So, I don’t know why I keep getting emails from organizations who think they can continue this, because I support protecting the public. Sorry, Guys. I am on the side of protecting people; that is why I chose my professions. Back to school for you, so you can earn those big bucks. Now back to China. Oooops, did I mention that I will be bringing you up to date with what I have been learning? I will in due time. Now, really, back to China. I was watching the news (as I normally do) where my Prime Minister was in China making deals with China. Now they can work out finances in Chinese currency. I think they have some sort of billion or billions Chinese deal. In the same news cast, the reporters (this is the kind of reporting I like) were filming crosses from buildings being toppled (of course it is because they are not up to code. (Is a cross ever up to code in China?) You could tell the Prime Minister wasn’t happy about this but is very polite about it because we are a polite society. Then the film continues with a large group of people standing on what appears to be a massive Church. They are on the front steps protecting their Church. The next frame is the entire destruction of the Church. It is in shambles. You have to love those communist countries who think we are so stupid. I guess the Church wasn’t built to code either. Then reporters, being the inquisitive creatures that they are at stirring the pot, ask their questions, but you can only hear the answer and a business man who is probably there with our Prime Minister to make deals and shake hands with the ……….tells us all, that it is their country and they should be able to do what they want in their own country. Now, there was a caption with a name for everyone else talking but not this arrogant business man. Why is that? I am very disappointed about that because I would certainly buy no product from who ever he is representing. I am normally the first to have my Christmas decorations up. After Hallowe’en I begin slowly. Last year I realized I needed more lights for the outside. I was slowly building up a nice glow outside and enjoyed it when people would stop to look. However, last year I realized that my front lawn needed much more and had planned to buy more. It got so cold that I decided to wait. So this year, I have my tree up and realize that I would like a much bigger and wider tree, however, this is all that would fit in my car and that was no easy task. The salesman from Rona actually shoved it in my passenger seat. I don’t have a big car. I have a very very little car who is old enough to vote. Do they vote in China? So, while my car is still alive or until I make more money my little car and little tree will have to do. However, I need the lights, so I drove off to Costco in my little car who is rusting away as I drive him. I visit the Christmas lights section and I notice it is all made in China. All I see, is crosses being toppled and one big church being toppled and hey did I mention the Canadians they arrested for being spies. What did they do, pay for a cross???? Hey, maybe they had a cross in the coffee shop? Hey, maybe they are Jews or Christians or whatever and that makes them spies? Anyhow, I put the Christmas lights back on the counter. What saved Costco was that they were selling stuff made in Italy, Portugal and my neighbours USA. So, I bought a nice towel made in the USA. At least that feeds some Americans that are provided with work. I ask a man who looks important because he is talking at a group of employees if they have anything in the Christmas bulbs department not made in China. Nope, he does not. So, I have made my point. I buy my Italian coffee which is 6.00 cheaper there and that alone covers my member ship fees. And I buy more stuff that I need but apparently cannot recall what that is, because it is two whole days ago, and I go to the check out. There is a Costco employee around who I have a conversation with. I tell him about my disappointment about not being able to buy Christmas lights which was my motive for going there. I will now have to look more. “Good luck with that. I bought a Canadian flag as a souvenir for someone and it is made in Taiwan. Can you believe that?” I respond, “I thought they were going to stop that?” Now as I type away, I remember that the flag outside my pole is made in China. I nod at the guy and remember that I too had picked a colourful souvenir which I thought was cute. However, when I saw where it was made, I put it back on the shelf. So, after I get sorted out today, I will go to Home Depot and look for Christmas lights and this time, I will have to buy them regardless of where they are made, because if I cannot find any not made in China, anywhere than it is only China or nothing shining outside. “ Hey, didn’t Canada make a deal with China worth billions?” the Canadian man at Costco continued. I nodded. “If we can’t find anything made in Canada now, what will this mean?” I hum in agreement. “Look at the people out east. They have no jobs.” I agree, “I know and they come here to find work, and they can’t.” I leave Costco feeling concerned that our own people have no work, while people in Communist countries or exploited countries are working cheap with cheap products. I am concerned that big corporation representatives think it is oky that countries have the right to hurt their people because it provides them with more money that they will ever need. I see Churches being destroyed and people being arrested for little reason. I see Corporations merging and becoming more powerful and I become concerned that perhaps our own politicians will be replaced or owned by Corporations. However, I see hope in our future. I see youth with a social conscious. I see a youth with a growing concern for humanity. I see a promise to make our global village more habitual for everyone. I see a world where people are free to choose if they want to believe in a God or not. I see people who can once again breathe fresh air. I see a world where there is no starvation. I see a world where people are accountable for their actions. I see a world where dictatorship belongs only in history. When I see a fresh young face, I see hope. What do you think?

York University Book Sale, "Hey Guy Buy Me"

Yesterday I went to another conference. I must admit I am getting a tad tired. I will talk about that one in the next blog. My book sale at York University was fun. I got to see many people, I have not seen in a while. As soon as I entered Central Square, I was greeted by someone I know but have not seen in a year (I go to York once a year) and he immediately told me about the pancake sale for the United Way and treated me to the most delicious pancake I have ever had. When I lined up, there was all the brass from York serving and the Chef asked if I would prefer a pancake from the Chef? Did I have to be asked twice? Nope! He did not fail me. It was huge, and buttery and fluffy. I coated it with whip cream and some syrup and decorated it with a cherry. Oooooh good. I am surprised to find a Chef at the Cafeteria but I do believe he is a chef. If he can create anything else close to his pancake, than I am sold. I wish I could afford my own chef, cleaner, gardener ………dreaming……….. I did sell more books this year than the year before which is pretty good for me. Again, I was asked if I had written another. “Yes.” I replied to the tall older man. “It will be out by the next showcase.” It is a good thing that I wrote another book. I have a tough crowd. “Is it going to be the same?” he asked. “No, It’s different.” I replied. One student looked my book over very carefully. “What I like about your book is that it is easy to read.” “Yup” I replied. “I want everyone to be able to read it. Just like Harry Potter.” My old colleague who saw me was sitting with me and that started a chuckle.” The tall handsome student left and returned in a little while. “May I buy your book?” he asked politely. “Yes, you may.” I responded just as politely. I hope he likes it. It has cartoons. The day passed quickly. I had brought my Hallowe’en candies and this was a first that the students did not make them vanish in five minutes. What has happened to the students? Have they lost their sweet tooth? “Why do the students seem more serious this year?” I asked out loud for anyone to respond. “Because their tuition went up.” The woman at the next table responded. Tuition became the topic ( I am still paying off tuition expenses from going to the University of Toronto). I was pleased being in my element. I love Universities. I enjoyed talking to the students, staff and seeing old profs and colleagues. Each year that I go there, it is as if I have never left. “Why don’t you come more often. I like seeing you." Yup, it was like going home for an annual visit. And the pancakes……….sooooo gooood.

"Hey Guy Buy Me" will be at Showcase York University, Central Square.

Time is going so fast for me. I try to put the brakes on but life just speeds. I will be selling my book, "Hey Guy Buy Me" at Central Square, York University this coming Tuesday from 0900 to 4pm. Why not stop by and say hello and better still, buy a book. My second one is still with the publisher and it will be ready for my spring sales. Remember, I wrote this one for fun. So come and say hello. If I know you, bring me a coffee and donut. If I do not know you, just buy the book. I am bringing some Hallowe'en candies, because this year I had less than half of the people I had last year (rain and cold). No dogs trick or treating this year either. No teens (delightful) either. Still adults trying to grab handfuls of candy, though their kids would take only one. Now, the kids need to train the adults. There is hope in our future after all. I enjoy going to York once a year, whether I need to or not. I really loved using a York University binder when I was going to the University of Toronto. I loved both schools for different reasons. Both gave me a wonderful education. Both gave me friends for life. So, I hope to see you soon. Silva

Funeral for Patrice Vincent

I sit here and watch the funeral for a man of 28 years of service to his country who was run over by a car by a recruit of terrorism. I feel bad for this man who will never be able to retire. I feel pain for his mother. But I also feel sorry for the family of the one who slayed. It is wonderful how we have all attended the funeral even though it maybe by a television screen. I see our strength as Canadians as we grieve as a country. I see our strength as a country who can unite in sympathy and compassion. We are a great country. We are a free country. And that is how it will remain.