This is my last blog. Thank you for everything.

The reason I began this blog and my twitter is because several years ago when at a seminar we were informed that if we were therapists and were not on the internet, we would not be in ten years. I was still a student and concerned about that comment. I have enjoyed posting articles from psychology, theology and pastoral education mixed with analgies from personal perspectives. I am now on the internet with my various affliliations and so am visible. I will be updating my profiles on site to list my immediate qualifications. Though I have enjoyed writing my blogs, I need to focus on building my practice, doing the research I need to do for my work and balance and prioritize. I want to thank you very much for reading my blogs. It was very kind of you. Self care is extemely important and I hope that you all find that balance between work and play. We are very social beings and isolation does not help. Please reach out to someone if you are sad. Keep yourself healthy by managing your stress levels and finding someone you can share your thoughts with. Be the person you want to be. If you are in an abusive relationship, find a way to get help. We are lucky to be living in Canada where there are so many resources available. USA, I especially thank you for reading my blogs because you are at the top of the list for reading my articles. I always enjoy travelling to your country and sometimes I forget that we have borders. I have more to see there as my focus is now North America. We both live in countries where people from all over come to have better lives. I want to thank you all for visiting. If you ever do come to see me as a client please let me know that you did read my blogs. Take care. Do something nice for yourselves today. Thank you Silva

Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder

I wrote a few articles about eating disorders and thought that before I move on to another topic that I write a bit more about image. The idea of beauty and the ideal body changes from country to country and from different era's. It is ironic that eating disorders are found prominently in countries where there is an abundance of food. I remember as a teen, a neighbour approaching my mom with the Toronto Sun newspaper, point at a sunshine girl and inform my mom, that the girl was disgusting. My mom looked at the sunshine girl and then at our neighbour and pleasantly told her that if she or my mom were in the paper than it would be disgusting. However, the sunshine girl was not disgusting. My mom had great joy re-iterating this to me. I too found it amusing and more so because my mom was far from disgusting. I have found through the years that how a woman looks or dresses does at times define her from the eyes of the other, who is looking at her. She is wearing too much, not enough, her dress is too short, her hair is too long, etc........I actually find it all tiresome at times because it appears very rediculous to me. It is not only women who have become overly concerned about their appearance and how it defines them, but men too have caught up. What I have found the most disturbing is how women who are raped are blamed by the ignorant, regarding their dress. In some countries where women are forced to dress from head to foot (and I mean those forced; not all are) it is because they may cause the poor male to lose all restraints and become the animal who needs to rape her. Then she is also blamed by the society she lives in. I remember a time when how a woman dressed was considered in court for sexual assault cases and how her relation with other men (promiscuality) was considered as contributing factors. All this is quite absurd. No one. No man, woman or child ever deserves to be sexually assaulted. It does not matter how one dresses, how many romantic interludes one has, etc.... What matters is if the adult man or woman wants to have sex period. Sexual assault is always about power. So the next time you judge someone about the way she dresses, ask yourself why you care. What you may feel is very inappropriate may just be your own subjective judgement. Why not take a closer look at the person and accept that person as he or she is? So dress as you like. Be yourself and do not try to please any one else. If you want to lose weight do it. If you want to eat healthy do it. Keep in mind that you do have control over yourself and do not hurt yourself in the process by thinking that is all you can control. When people judge you, they do not have to look at themselves. Live your life to the fullest and make the first step a gift to yourself. What do you think?

Hey Guy Buy Me - For sale at Oakwood and Rogers Fair again

If you have not read my book yet and need a laugh, come see me Saturday, 7 Jun 14. I should be between the bank and the Pastry shop on Oakwood, steps from Rogers Road. I was hoping that my second book would have been published by now. However, that is not the case. A good friend of mine who is not a professonal editor volunteered to do that part, but he is also a very busy man. I have a passion to write and not all have a passion to edit. HOwever, he is hanging in there and so I hope my number one and only fan can. So I am sorry that my second book is not yet available but "Hey Guy Buy Me" cetainly is. I shall be advertising my practice as well. Remember I wrote the book for fun only. It is not meant to be a counselling guide. I wrote this before I even considered my present line of work. If you are in the area come and say hello.

It was not Canada Day but Victoria Day on Monday Oooooops!!!!!!

Talk about losing track of time! I try to maintain a balance in my life and I ensure that at least once a week I spend it with someone I really like. Self care is something I advocate for everyone. The eve of Victoria Day and not Canada Day, I saw my neighbour bring out fresh flags to hang on her pole. I am proud that she now flies the Canadian flag above her second flag from her country of origin. The Canadian flag should always fly higher. I somehow in my mind when I casually observed this, while focusing on something else, presumed it would be Canada day which replaced Victoria Day. Canada was in my brain. Earlier during the day, I received a pamphlet regarding Canada Day and had planned to attend. So when I was negotiating a day to look at flowers with someone who has a passion for flowers and photogaphy, I bravely gave up what I thought was Canada Day so I could bring him to see the blossoms of High Park which promised to last about ten days. Time was of the essence. Our conflicting schedules made it the only day possible. It did not dawn on me why I was being asked why we as Canadians celebrate Victoria Day. It did not dawn on me that he was asking about Victoria day because that is the day we were exploring. There was no parking at High Park. Actually there was and I was in it but a woman with a bigger car was shouting at me that she was not going to move and the spot was hers. I thought about how much I have grown. Years ago when I was very young, I would have stood my ground. After all, I drove into it because the person was leaving at the other side. Apparently this woman was on the other side waiting for him to leave. Road rage is increasing and as I watched this woman getting very very mad. I told her I was going to be the bigger person and let her have the spot. She thanked me nicely. I drove out of the spot I was already in and let her have it - the spot that is. What would you have done? You are in the spot. There is no parking. How angry would you get? Is it worth it? By saying I would be the bigger person was condescending. However, I am human. I stopped the car where a team of policemen had gathered and asked if it was possible to find parking or should I just leave. My partner told me that he could walk quite a distance but I would find out later that this was not the case. Of course how far one can walk is subjective. We drove through the park and around it and through the side entrance and behold - the blossom trees. He was disappointed because they were not in their glory. The ten days of bloom must have expired. As I decided to drive to Leslie and Lawrence to show him what we have there, I saw the gardens downtown. I stopped, parked and was surprised that there was no charge to enter. Now, as you have come to notice is, that I am bad with names. Therefore, I will not attempt to say Edward gardens or whatever gardens because I never do pay attention to endless names. After all, if I cannot distinquish between Canada and Victoria Day, how can I possibly get all the names of the botancial gardens right. Right? So my partner points out the Best Western Hotel and I notice that I am on Carlton and that is where some work shops I have been interested in are held there. However, they are not recognized by AAMFT and I am waiting for the College of Psychotherapy to provide a list of seminars, workshops, educational sites that they will approve. However, this is being delayed again because the politicians are out there promoting why we should vote for them. So, now we have to wait for the fall. I have had so much schooling that I could use a break. I have been tempted to go to the University of Guelph to take a course on various addictions. However, it is five days all Saturdays and I am committed on that day. So, in two years they will have the same course. I always ask myself why I should go to Guelph when Toronto should have all this. The Best Western also had a two day program but I already studied everything in their first day program indepth, in my psychology degree so it didn't seem wise when I already understood the psychological and biological effects. They didn't really seem to provide me with what I wanted. I had entered the building and I was exploring all the flowers in the solariam when I stopped to look at turtles. I was really amazed by them. I noticed that people in the downtown core had a place to come to for some serenity. Some brought their coffee to just sit. Very theraputic. Others were tourists exploring our city and then there was me. This is my city and this is one of the few places that I have always meant to come to but never did because parking is a problem. I was beginning to wish that I too had brought my camera. In no time we had seen it all and I noticed that my partner really liked taking pictures of trees. He kept asking me the names of trees and plants and of course all I knew was our Maple tree, the Japanesse Cherry Tree (because I had one once but it decided to die). I now have a tulip tree. I am still waiting for it to bloom. Maybe one of these years. I also could recognize the Magnolia Tree and decided that if my Tulip Tree dies, than I will fork out my own money to plant it. I have too many trees to plant any additional ones. We departed for lunch to Dairy Queen. My lunch was coffee because they had large everything and I did not want large. So I retaliated by only ordering the large coffee, when I wanted small. We lunched inside because my partner was hot. I however, had brought him to Pottery road so we could view the wonderful panorama. He was quite satisfied to glimpse at the panorama upon returning to the car. Off we were again and this time it was to see the botanical gardens at Leslie and Lawrence. Again no parking. This is not one of my favourite places but I have very fond memories of being there with family. They also have a cute little restaurant and the guy who works or worked there looked like Keneau Reeves (have I got the name right?). So, that in itself was a good reason to stop and enjoy the coffee. Since there was no parking, I drove into a side road near Eglinton and found the coveted parking. Yes! However, my partner felt that walking five kilometers to where we had planned to go was too much walking. He also didn't care for the streams. It was at that moment that I realized I have so many interests and can find joy in all nature, that I was quite pleased with myself. I shared that. Off we were again and he was ok with seeing where I like to celebrate Canada Day. I warned that there probably would not be parking but what the heck. He seemed to be enjoying himself and I promised I would show him flowers a year ago. We finally get there and I see nothing. There is no celebration and there are no cars. There is lots of parking available. I cannot understand what is going on and I drive quite a distance before I stop to ask a sporty looking man where the Canada celebrations locale I am looking for is because I cannot find it. He corrects me, with "Victoria Day." I finally wake up and realize it is not Canada Day. I have not squandered Canada Day looking for flowers and blossoms, a promised I meant to keep. I am happy and also self examining. How can I make such a mistake? I tell my partner there is one more place I can show him where there is a promise of flowers. It is near Eglinton and Scarlet. After a couple of hoops, I find this place which I had not visited for some time and of course there is no parking but I suggest that he goes off on his own because it is a small area and I will continue to look for parking and find him. I circle a few times and viola, someone leaves. I park and realize that I have mostly biked here in my younger days. After he has taken an abundance of pictures, giving me some lessons of how to take pictures in relation to the sun, I see a ground hog eating weeds. I am entranced. This ground hog is not afraid of me and I wish again that I had my camera. I remember being in Switzerland and they had a goundhog in a tiny zoo. I thought of all the ground hogs I have seen. I was pleased that my partner was happy with his day. "If you want to really see flowers, you need to go to the Botanical Gardens in Burlington." I promise to take him. I will make the time, I tell my self. I shall bring my own camera which is not the same quality by any means. However, this camera is the most expensive camera that I have ever had. I am very happy with it and all I have to do is point and take the picture. It does all the rest. I do not worry about lighting. I just want to capture that moment in time where in my collection of thoughts, all happiness in relation to what I am seeing returns. I drop off my partner and return home to my little family. I look at the calender and realize that it is not Canadian. It is generic. Every day is about something but not about what day Canada is celebrating. I go off to find my other calenders, but none have the nature scenes that I like, so I keep what I have on the wall. I shall be more mindful next year of what calender I put up on my wall. It will need to have each Canadian celebration vividly marked so I can celebrate the right day. What do you think?

Eating disorders cont> Biological Treatments Psychology notes

D. Biological Treatments >SSRI’s (specific seritone receptive inhibitors) main treatment eg. Fluoxitine (prozac) - very high drop out. 2) Anorexia psychodynamic view (1) Hospitalization - social reinforcement - in acute stage but not long term- effect fades and then relapse. (2) Behaviour Therapy - 86% Success rate reported based on Minuchin’s Theory. Look at whole family- bring family conflict to forthright. No longer home to have disorder because issue of parents fighting is addressed. Family seen generally at meal time because it is when happens - can see conflict of eating and problems. Redefine dynamic. Will be positive- work together as a team and help child. Bulimia Effective Cognitive - Behavioural Therapy - thinking and behaving patterns. Eg. Women collecting pictures of models in bathroom- encouraged her purging. Severely controlling intake - take one cookie and then eats all. less rigidity - not the end of world. Goal is normal eating patterns. Teach proper eating habits; proper weight. As challenge to all or none, bring food to session -eg. chocolate cake or - less bite is ok. Then therapist can work with it so person does not purge. What triggers binges/purges and work with that. Eg. Stress. Work with therapist. What led to binge and purge? When that happens - relaxation techniques - talk to someone. Promising short term.

Happy Canada Day!!!!!!

Life seems to be so busy that I forgot it was the long weekend. Toronto will be full of celebrations Monday. I hope you can go out there and enjoy yourself. Make it a Family Day! Make it a Couple Day! How about a "Yourself Day?" Why not celebrate the joys of being in a Country where freedom reigns? Fly our flag proudly! Hey U.S.A, why not come to our side of the border and enjoy the day with us? I have certainly enjoyed your day at least twice, while on your side of the border during vacations. Thank you for being # 1 in the reading of my blogs. I appreciate it.

Aetiology of Eating Disorders cont....... psychology notes

cont.... Aetiology of Eating Disorders —————————— D. Biological -genetic - 47% from m twin from 10% d twins. -Hypothalamic Phenomenon regulates (hypothalamic) hunger/eating. Lesions - lose weight and no appetite- don’t account in humans and lose weight. People think about food all the time. There is a distorted body image and fear of being fat. - Release of endogenous opioids - often no food for some time; euphoria; may become addicted to feeling. In bulimia low level of endogenous opioids cause cravings. Craving pushes toward binge eating and therefore increases in endogenous. - low serotonin levels -predisposes to impulsivity. - high serotonin levels produces saturation cravings for carbohydrate - favourite food to binge on food. Can test for serotonin levels. Low norepinephrine levels -initiates eating 2. Sociocultural Variables -thinness as the feminine ideal -higher prevalence in industrialized societies where there is cultural pressure to be thin and abundance of food. 3. Psychodynamic Views Bruck’s Theory - parents of children impose their wishes on their children (no choice for child or recognition)(children refer to others- dieting becomes their control - if forced to eat, will vomit later. Sense of control there. Minuchin’s Theory (characteristics of family) (1) enmeshment - all too close 2. over protectiveness 3. rigidity of family structure 4. Lack of conflict Individual may grow but not family - Want to separate - not allowed to separate Resolution (1) repression of conflict (2) no resolution Family Dynamics - pre-disposal of vulnerability if family is always fighting- child can control by disorder and attention is diverted to her instead of family. Personality factors -interoceptive awareness neurotisism perfectionism, but not realistic e.g.. body type. 3. compliant 4. inhibited 5. low self esteem 6. lack of interceptive awareness extent to distinguish different stats of body - e.g. feeling in stomach and no sense of what it is. If feeling, can rule out things. 4. Cognitive - Behavioural Views Weight loss is a powerful re-enforcer. Social re-enforcement - praise for thinness - ridicule for weight gain to be continued with D. Biological Treatments Have a Happy Canada Day!!!!!!!

Eating Disorders cont......... psych notes

Anorexia Nervosa Refusal to maintain body weight etc. Intense fear of gaining weight Disturbance of body weight/shape Amenorrehea Therefore, underweight. mid teens 10 X more frequent in women than men. Perceptional disorder, hips, buttocks and thighs, loss of period, sexually indifference. Characteristics and Physical Effects reduced blood pressure dry skin hair loss from scalp slower heart rate brittle nails/bones Hormone levels change. 50% of anorexics do not recover. Suicide and depression also occurs. Comorbidity (when two or more diagnosis together) with obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety, alcoholism and personality disorder. Restricting Type - Person not reg. engaged in binge eating or purging behaviour. Binge Eating/purging type - Regularly engaged in binge eating or purging behaviour (ie self induced, i.e.. self induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives. Therefore, same weight. Bulimia Nervosa recurrent episodes of binge eating. eating in discrete period of time (eg. 2 hours) where others wouldn’t eat so much and lack of control. b. recurrent inappropriate behaviour to prevent weight gain. (binge eating and inappropriate behaviour). c. at least twice a week for 3 months. d. self-evaluation unduly influenced by body shape and weight. e. disturbance does not occur exclusively during episodes of Anorexia Nervosa. Purging type - massive eating and purging. Non purging type - massive eating fasting or excessive exercise. Characteristics and Physical Effects Excessive food/brief time/purging, exercises etc….less than 2 hours. May be triggered by stress; usually carried out in secret (2-4000 calories). Long term effects teeth problem sores around mouth cuts in hands from teeth bloating self disgust and feelings of hatred begins in adolescence more frequent in women than men Bulimic more favourable in treatment than anorexia Comorbidity -same as anorexia impulse control shop lifting and promiscuity to be continued with Aetiology of Eating Disorders

Eating Disorders (psychology notes)

Eating Disorders Biology of Eating - normally eat when hungry and stop when full - stable weight. Level of Use: l - carbohydrates - long chain of sugar molecules 2 - fats - long term energy 3- Classes of nutrients: proteins (a) structural - provide structural to cell membrane (b) functional - enzymes - catalyzists - speed up reactions. Two types of Vitamins water soluble - comes out in urine iff too much. non water soluble - can build up and can get to toxic level. Food intake is monitored by three systems Glucostat System (classical approach) >Lateral Hypothalamus - if damaged there is no way to know if hungry. > hunger network > effects of damage 2. Aminostat System - does not feel satuated - not feel full. if fails: > Ventromedial Hypothalamus > Satiation network > effects of damage - eat and eat and eat and does not kick in. Sensitive to amino acids. If this fails 3. Lipostat System detects fat levels in blood Liver Third order fail safe based on animal research. Eating Disorders (cont)